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Lost my mother 45 minutes before

Babbal
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I lost my mother at 1:15 PM today 05 August 2020. I am 53 and she was 75. I am in London and she was in Melbourne with my younger brother.She was suffering from oesophagus cancer and due to a surgical procedure going wrong succumbed within 48 hours. I feel as if a part of my body is dead, lacrymal glands being hyper active, slow pain in the chest area. I feel as if I am drowning! I loved my mother so much. Frankly, I don't know what to do! It's a mixed emotion with the mind saying to cherish all the good times we had together but heart and the body just dont want to listen to the sane advice. 

To distract myself, I have taken leave from office and now am going to the ground to play cricket with my 12 year old son who, I felt has matured and advised me that I have to look ahead. I wish my mom establishes contact with me once as I feel all alone in ths wilderness.

May her soul rest in peace and God give me the strength to cope with this loss!

Love you always Mum.

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    Hello Babbal

     

    I am so very sorry for the loss of your mum today.  Its so heartbreaking to read your post.  I send you my very sincere condolences and a huge virtual hug.  It breaks my heart to know that you lost your mum so suddenly and to Oesophagus Cancer.  I lost my husband of 36 years to this cancer it will be 4 years on the 10th September.  I struggle so much but find this forum helps so much.  Its such a devasting disease.    I wish i could take your pain away or say something but there are no words at this time that I can say.  I know others will reply and be thinking of you when they read your sad news.

    What a wonderful mature son you have Im so glad you do.  Nothing can rely ever take away all the love and memories you have of your mum.  I or my husband are not religious but we always liked to think that when we lost our much parents and other family that they were all no longer suffering and were in a better place than here.  My husband kept a fish pond and we once had a beautiful huge dragonfly that vsisted the pond my husband did not see it he had gone out and I couldnt get a photo of it in time but spoke about it and how beautiful it was and how it was the biggest one I had ever seen.  We had together since seen smaller ones but nothing as larage as the one that day.  The day after my husband died I opened the kitchen blind and there in the garden was a huge dragonfly.  Myself and my daughter went out into the garden and Im so glad my daughter witnessed what happened with me - the dragonfly flew around the garden then came close up to my face just for what seemed like 5 seconds flew to my daughter then around the garden and away - my daughter looked at me and said thats dad mum he is letting us know he is okay.  It just blew me away.  I went to Canada last year with a friend and went on a white water raft as the raft set off down the river a dragonfly flew over my head at the end of the raft trip about an hr a dragonfly flew above my head.  I have quite a few experiences like this.  This gives me comfort and I truly beleive my husband is in a better place and still with me and watching over us his family.  

     

    You are in my thoughts please look after yourself.

     

    Love and virtual hugs x

     

     

     

     

  • Offline in reply to Leigh60

    Dear Leigh,

     

    Thanks a ton for your comforting words.

     

    I feel as if I have become an orphan. Lost my Dad when I was 10 and now my Mum at 53. I am trying to show as if I can cope up with this loss but frankly I am broken and I wish their is a dragon fly or something which can show that my Mum is happy wherever she is.

     

    I could not even go to Melbourne because of the lockdown. I feel so helpless and am trying to hide my feelings and emotions but they are just over-powering me with grief and the thought that I would not be able to see her again is unbearable. It is 3:45 AM and I am in pain. I cannot show it as the children get affected. I don't know how long and how deep this feeling will last.

     

    She brought me up in this bad world from 1977 when my Dad passed away, working hard throughout her life and protecting me from all but when it came to her, I could not do anything and the worst part is I was not even with her and even now during the cremation ceremony, I can just see her from a distance . I have seen her on WhatsApp trying to say something to me but unfortunately she could not because she could not speak at that time but she was responding to my voice. The imagery and her expression has left me totally broken hearted. But for my kids and my wife, I would not have liked to live any longer.

     

    I feel as if I have failed her in this birth. If there is, would request God to make her my mother again in the next birth.

     

    May God bless her.

     

    My dearest Mum......be happy whereever you are. I am not religious too as science and religion don't go together.....that disturbs me further.

     

    Thanks again

     

     

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