Hi there, 

First of all, im really sorry for your loss.  I just lost my Dad - well it was 6 weeks ago, but its still quite raw. I am at the stage now where I am stuck trying to figure out all his finances, banks, car, you name it. It seems never ending. The irony is I need him here for his advice, and  he aint here no more :(   He was 78 when he died, I am 44, i still feel like i lost him too soon. You're very young at 30 to lose your Dad and i really feel for you. 

I lost my Dad to the treatment that is supposed to help him - he had multiple myeloma which is a blood cancer. He didnt die from that. though,  the treatment wiped his immune system out which caused him to have acute respirotory failure. So it was a shock to find him laying face down out of his bed. 

You Dad seems like a really great guy and your story reminded me of my Dad. He was also creative, really practical, he was a hands on guy that could fix anything and his advice throughout life meant the world to me.  He created a fantastic life for us all, a self made man who left me his fortune. Even though he had faith in my abilities to carry on what he left me, i still feel inadequate, insecure, worried that I will run everything into the ground, you name it. I guess that comes with the uncertainty that comes with losing someone so close. He was my hero.

I guess it will take time before both me and you get back to a sense of normal. As far as your job, you will have to decide whether it affects you band enough that you cant carry on. But at least see. You are in total control of your destiny so if it isn't for you anymore then be honest with yourself and make steps to change. 

I wish you nothing but the best, its an awful time when you lose someone (this is my first significant loss) so its very painful still. Some days i feel fine, then i have moments where im  crushed by his passing.  I just wish I could talk to him one more time. 

All the best my friend. I know you'll be ok. Just dont rush anything and take time out for yourself. 

Peacewind. 

Hello,

Thanks so much for your lovely reply, it really helps to make you feel less alone. Especially if people have similar situations and loss of the practical and life advice in life that our dad''s gave us.

I wrote my post late at night, feeling very lonely, frustrated and consumed with thoughts; some traumatic and anxious, and some loving and reassured at his memories. So I hope I didn't sound too resentful of others who still have their dads. I think it was a momentary thing, getting myself worked up.

I've heard of myeloma, my work friend's dad had it, and he died in January, and she was heartbroken as he was young too, in his 70s.

I'm sorry the treatment made yoir dad so unwell. My dad's friend died of respiritory complications from one final chemo treatment being too much for him when he was already quite weak. But one piece of comfort his family can take from him dying earlier, is that he didnt have too much of the torture and all the other things late stage cancer entails. 

I'm so sorry about the way you found your dad lying near his bed. I hope he was peaceful, and you know now he is not in any more pain and anguish. It always comforts and distressed me when people say that, as it half reminds you of the pain they had, but I mean it genuinely. 

I know exactly what you mean about all the admin tasks and chores. We're struggling with the bank and car stuff, but luckily my mum is guiding us as executors. There's so many times I've gone oh I just need to ask dad, and then I remember I can't. Or as you say about carrying on their legacy and life's work. My dad built our home from a dilapidated abandoned old ruin and created marvellous extensions and arches etc. He plumbed it and did the electrics and there's, but we have a well for water, a septic tank and gas bottles, log fire for hot water etc. So it's a difficult house to keep running and things are slowly breaking and I try my best to repair them and I'm not as good. Or he may have taught me 5 years ago the specifics of how the toilet flush empties and now we've forgotten. My mum was clearing out sewerage waste the other day, and trying to get the water running again, and we laughed and thought I bet very few people have to clean out pipes of human poo, and get their water running on top of death admin only a couple weeks after their loved one dies. 

Thanks for your reply, I'm very interested about your dad as he sounds an interesting man too. We know they have passed on their greatness and creativity to us and it is a comfort we can carry it on. And just remember, your dad was in your shoes too once, wondering where to begin and how to carry on, and doing things through trial and error. Dont be frightened of getting things wrong or not doing it quite right as thays probably how he learned himself. He managed spectacularly, and so will you!