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I can't live without my dad - anyone feel the same?

bras1548
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Hi everyone,

 

My father died almost 6 months ago. He was my best friend, my soulmate, my inspiration, my confidant, basically the love of my life. I will never love anyone that way again. He was my other half. We communicated almost every single day in some way (although I have regrets about how I handled this, which I may share another time). The point, though, is this:

 

I don't think I can live without him.

 

He meant more to me than life itself. He was my oxygen, my sunshine, my everything. He was the most remarkable and wonderful human being I have ever known (and will ever know). Every day now I have the pain of realising that he won't ever be with me again. I'm writing this post for one reason: to find other people who feel the same or at least similar.

 

Here are some things that I have NOT found helpful:

 

- People telling me to think about "what he would have wanted". Yes, of course he would have wanted me to go on and live my life. But I don't see how I can live a happy life without him.

 

- People telling me that things "get better in time." Maybe they do, maybe they don't. For some people they actually don't. Some people never recover from the loss of a loved one. He wasn't just a "loved one." He was EVERYTHING to me. And now I have the rest of my life to be WITHOUT him.

 

My love for my father was deeper and more intense than anything else I've ever known. Life feels completely meaningless without him. I have no interest in starting my own family; no interest in meeting somebody; no interest in connecting with others. Without my father in my life, those things don't mean anything to me.

 

The ONLY thing I want is to be with my father again - to wrap my arms around him and never let go. I've never felt love from anyone the way I did from him. He showered me with warmth and love.

 

Does anyone feel the same? 

 

Adam

 

 

  • Offline

    I lost my dad a week ago and to think I'll have to live the rest of my life without him leaves me feeling empty. 

    My dad was older than most (55) when I was born and so I always knew he'd pass away when I was relatively young. However the years rolled by and when it actually happened it was the biggest shock in my life. Feels like a light in my soul has been extinguished but I know my dad would be upset if he saw how much I've cried for him. 

    I like to think that my dad is watching over and so I'm going to try and be happy as he always wanted me to be. I don't think I'll ever reach that same level of happiness as I was with my dad in my life but there has to be a new normal where we can learn to enjoy our lives again. In the end I'm sure that's what all loving dads will be looking down hoping for. 

     

     

     

  • Offline in reply to A1988

    I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. It sounds as if you're finding a way to manage or at least to avoid complete depression, which is encouraging. I hope you find your "new normal" as quickly as possible and can live in a way that makes you happy. It sounds as if you had a wonderful father

  • Offline in reply to bras1548

    Thank you. He was the best. I'm feeling very grateful that I had him for my 32 years. I'm thankful that i have all the memories of love and support to draw strength from. 

    Your father sounds like he was a great man too. Sounds like you had many amazing memories together. I hope you find solace from them and future happiness.

  • Offline in reply to A1988

    Sounds like you had an amazing dad (as I did). I'm trying convince myself that I will always have a dad. I think I'm now also going to try what you've described - drawing strength from the memories of love and support. I'm not succeeding very well and mostly just feel a giant chasm in my life and in my soul. The gulf between my father and everybody else was and is just enormous. He gave me more than anyone or anything else combined.

    All the best!

  • Offline in reply to bras1548

    I'm still struggling a lot too 5 months on after my mum passed away. I appear more ok on the outside and can socialise more again etc. But inside I feel a sense of desolation that hasn't gotten any better, in fact the missing of and yearning for my mum has only increased. I can feel better for a bit with the distraction of being around others but as soon as I'm alone again I feel lost, lonely and like nothing really makes sense or matters that much anymore & I turn to unhealthy habits to try and dull the pain and empty feeling. It literally feels like half my life got ripped away when my mum died. I actually get a physical sensation at times when it really hits me she's gone, like that falling sensation one can get when trying to get to sleep, I think it's just that disorientating, frightening and foundational. 

    I am trying to think of it as mentioned above, that I still have a mum & I am starting to be able to draw on the comfort of some memories although it's still difficult to think back on good times without the pain becoming too overwhelming. I try to think of how temporary life is & that helps a bit. I'm focusing on being kind to others so I leavea good legacy myself and learning some new things,  when I can focus. Life feels like I'm just ticking off the days still a lot though.. it's lost its magic and flow it used to have. I can't imagine a time when I won't miss my mum so much and neither would I want to but it's so hard and daunting. Sending love and support to everyone on this thread. 

  • Offline in reply to Missmybeautifulmum

    It's just so cruel. Or seems that way to me. You say that life has "lost its magic." That's exactly the case for me too. Since my father was the magic. It must be very challenging for you indeed to be "without" your mum.

    On the other hand, what you say does suggest that some things are perhaps better. For example, you're socialising more. I'm barely socialising at all. I don't want to interact with anybody other than my father. But I don't think my approach is going to make me happy again.

    Anyway, I hope things get better for you

  • Offline in reply to bras1548

    I lost my Dad on Monday. People say time is a healer but I don't see the point in anything anymore. My Mum’s health isn't great & the shock of losing Dad hasn't helped her. If I lose mum I will be on my own. 
    My Dad was my hero. He was the person I would go to for advice & now he's gone. 
    Even though my Dad got his wish & his heart gave up before the cancer got him, it doesn't make it any easier for us. I know he still suffered but he never complained. 
    I miss him so much

  • Offline in reply to bras1548

    I agree with you,  it is really cruel to have this main person in our life who has always been there ripped away from us.On top of that we had to watch them suffer before they passed which is traumatic. I wish I knew why life is this way,  perhaps there just is no reason.. it just is.

    I guess socialising kind of distracts me for a while from the pain & I feel I kind of need that a bit when there's been times the grief has been so emotionally overwhelming and made me feel so ill that I thought (& I know this sounds very dramatic but it's true) that I might die from it. I started off very slowly/gradually though and I still go out etc & see friends less than before. I do crave a fair amount of alone time definitely. I know I'm still fragile in many ways and often I have to avoid reminders or shut things off a bit to be able to cope day to day. Its so, so hard and it's not like we ever get a day off from it. My mum made the world feel safe and exciting and now it just feels a lot scarier and colder but I just keep reminding myself that I'll be gone one day too which perhaps is an odd thing to do but it helps me. I still often gets moments though when I feel/think "I just can't do this" (live without my mum)

    Ps. Thank you that's kind, I wish and hope that things get better for you too.

  • Offline in reply to Missingmydad4ever

    I'm so sorry you lost your precious dad It sounds like he was a wonderful man and father. Its an indescribable pain to lose a parent that is the closest person in the world to you. Wishing some moments of peace for you. 

  • Offline in reply to Missmybeautifulmum

    Thank you, he was the best. My life will never be the same again without him. 
    I tell myself the same thing as you, that I'll be gone one day too. That's the only comfort I have right now. 
    Take care x

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