My Dad, who was my best friend and soul mate, passed away from cancer 2004. Since then I don't feel happiness or joy like I used to. I dont get pleasure from my experiences as I should. Life is not the same since he passed away and my broken heart has never mended. I thought having a child would keep some part of him alive... I was wrong! No one can replace him and today I have shed many tears over just looking at his photo. 

My one consolation is that he was mine and he knew unconditional love and that being with me made him happy. 

Love you Dad x

My Dad, who was my best friend and soul mate, passed away from cancer 2004. Since then I don't feel happiness or joy like I used to. I dont get pleasure from my experiences as I should. Life is not the same since he passed away and my broken heart has never mended. I thought having a child would keep some part of him alive... I was wrong! No one can replace him and today I have shed many tears over just looking at his photo. 

My one consolation is that he was mine and he knew unconditional love and that being with me made him happy. 

Love you Dad x

[@bras1548]‍ 

I lost my father four months ago, and I feel exactly the same things as you mentioned...

I cannot imagine how I will live without my father... I cannot speak with other persons, nor family members at all... 

I've already had depression before and losing my father even complicates all these issues.

Since I was very little child I felt very close to my father, I cannot explain why... and even later it was the same 

I think very often on what can I do in order to be together again with my father?

How your days looks like between all these feelings?

‍ 

It's awful. When one person is your whole world and you lose that person (it feels as if) you've lost the whole world. I'm glad you find some consolation

Like you, I often think about how I could be with my dad again. Without my dad, with these feelings, days look grey (at best) and black (at worst). My father brought the light. Without him there is no light. And I don't WANT any other light than my father's, anyway

It's the same for me... I hardly manage to work (and only at a minimal level), I can't do anything else... I cannot watch a film, nor a football game, because we did this kind of stuff together with my father, and then we have discussed a lot on it... and I don't want and I'm not able to discuss such topics with other persons, because it is not the same at all. Nobody is able to replace him in any sense.

You (in fact we) are facing complicated grief, I guess.

I'm living lonely, I have only my mother as my closest family. Do you have family (spouse, children, brothers or sisters etc.)?

Like you, I have only my mother as close family. And like you, I am not interested in connecting with other people. The only person my soul was/is connected with is my father. He WAS my soul. What you say about not feeling able to watch a film or football match (without your dad) makes sense to me. I can't read novels, or listen to certain books because that's my dad. 

When I occasionally get close to realising what I have lost, it feels as if I'm going to go insane and have a complete mental breakdown. I have NO interest in the rest of my life without my dad. I just want to wrap my arms around him and be with him. That sort of love (his for me and mine for him) will never exist again for me.

Many times in a day I remember my father’s words, opinions, being etc. and my eyes become full of tears. I often cry in these moments… I don’t know how many time will I be able to live like that… this isn’t a life, just passing days one after the other…

I think my family couldn’t understand that, and they suggest adapting to the new situation which completely unacceptable for me… My mother manages otherwise, basically turning towards religion. I’m not atheist, but since my father couldn’t be with me I cannot find any confort in religion related messages…

Like you, I cannot imagine to have a family, because my father cannot see them… In addition I know, that he wanted to see me within my proper family…

He was several weeks lonely in the hospital, but every day he asked them to come home (but they said we cannot give him all necessary treatment here). When I imagine all his feelings being far from us (and especially from me) my heart is literally breaking each time.

I wonder that the best thing for me would be if I can finish this kind of life without my father. I don’t think for instance to suicide but just to something which will be able to cut all that suffering I feel, unplugging me from life and making possible to be with my father as before.

"Completely unacceptable" is exactly how I describe the idea of living the rest of my life without my dad. It is completely unacceptable.

What you say at the end sounds similar to my own thoughts and feelings. I have also fantasised (and fantasise every day) about being reunited with my father. He means more to me than everything else in the world combined. My soul belongs with him. Like you, I haven't thought about suicide (and hope I never will). But I do wonder what the point of life is without my dad. He was the meaning in the world. I was totally dependent on him psychologically, emotionally and spiritually.

It's not good to be so dependent on one person. I wish I were like other people who have MANY ties to many different people. For me there was always one, above everything and everyone else.

Wishing you strength.