It was 2018, January to be precise. This year was going to be amazing, I was getting married in August. Then my Dad started to feel ill, he went to the doctors, had blood tests and then had to have a bone marrow biopsy. It was bad, he had AML and had to go straight up to hospital to start treatment immediately. The first Chemo worked, he went into remission. They found a 10/10 donor match, we really thought he would beat it. But then he got a fungal infection in his lungs and his second chemo got postponed, when he finally had it, it didn't work. We were told he was terminal. I scrambled to bring my wedding forward so that he could be there to walk me down the isle, I booked it for the 19th of June just three weeks after the terminal diagnosis. The hospital promised him that they would do everything in their power to get him to my wedding, but on the 4th of June he stopped getting out of bed, by the 6th he wouldn't eat anything and on the 8th we made our way to the hospital to say goodbye to him. I laid my head next to his, I told him I wasn't angry, it wasn't his fault, I knew he had tried his best to fight it. He couldn't speak, he could only listen.

The next day my Dad passed away in my mums arms at 51 years of age. My heart was shattered, I was and still am a daddy's girl through and through. 
10 days later I walked down the isle without my Dad, I knew he wanted it to go ahead and that he adored my partner, he knew he was good for me. My husband and friends held me up through the day and I saved a button hole to go with my dad on his forever journey. Our theme was blue, his favourite colour. 

I miss him so much, my heart breaks every time I see a father walking their daughter down the isle, every Father's Day when I can't give him a card and a hug. I miss him so much that it hurts like a cavern in my chest, like a part of me has been torn away forever. Cancer may have torn him away from me but I will forever be a daddy's girl.

i don't really know why I have written this, I suppose because I needed to get it out, it's been 2 years and 4 days and it still feels like yesterday. For anyone else in similar situations, I'm so sorry, life is so cruel sometimes.