Esophageal Cancer - Losing Dad

Esophegal cancer took my 65 year old Dad from me 3 months a go. I lost a beautiful and truly kind Dad over 10 months to an unstoppable disease which is truly cruel. I wish him here always. I look at the flowers around me which he planted and is not here to see. I question how can this happen to someone who lived by the best values. Dad was always active, a non smoker and did not drink. How can a future be taken away so unfairly?

I can only say to others who may experience such loss, is to be there for them. Dad was misdiagnosed several times through biopsy and medical mistakes. It is easy to feel angry and incredibly let down but it is important not to hold onto that bitterness. I had never dealt with cancer before this and it has been life altering. Treasure every moment. Every phone call. Make it about them, never about you. I am 29 (without kids or a partner) and I can thankfully say I was able to be there for him, as he has been for me all these years. Live with no regrets. My heart still breaks, some days more than others and perhaps it always will.

My wishes for the future. We become kinder. Strive to minimise suffering in the esophegal cancer journey. And finally for more and modern hospices, these can be amazing places where one can witness so much kindness and care. To my special Dad who taught me the world, thank you and I love you forever.  

  • Hi,  sorry to hear you lost your Dad to this awful disease,  I lost my husband also to oseophagus cancer 2 months ago on April 3rd , he was only 44 and fought for 11 months. We have two girls,  9 and 13 and we are all missing him badly. Certainly been the worst time of our lives and I still can't believe how quickly and ruthlessly it took a fit healthy man down. Let's hope they get a cure for it soon so others won't suffer as our loved ones did. .xx

  • So terribly sad to hear that you have dealt with this cancer too and have young children. When I searched for answers and experiences about esophegeal cancer I found it hard to find much written about this type so felt compelled to write something. Take care, as like me not much time has passed. We can but hope for a cure for others Xx

  • Its extra hard I think when you feel there were wrong diagnoses and you cant help wondering if it had been caught earlier could they have done more...unfortunately it probably is unlikely I think with this fast moving cancer, my husband was diagnosed almost by accident, no symptoms apart from a slight bit of indigestion,  a blood test picked up his liver function was not right, and that led to the liver tumors being detected first...so it had already spread and become stage 4 before he had any symptoms and we had no idea anything was wrong, so scary, a real shock diagnosis for us

  • Yes early discovery before the cancer has spread with this type of cancer is very rare. Such an unimagainable shock I agree.

    We knew Dad had a serious issue but the doctors said it was a hernia and that he was imagining a swallowing issue even though he could not eat solid food. Dad ended up paying for a scan privately to get the confirmation we needed but by then critical months had passed and the spread had started. An irrevisible road of stents, chemo and a life lost before my eyes unable to eat. One of the most basic pleasures and necessities of life became a huge daily struggle. I encourage anyone who reads this who is even slightly concerned to push doctors when things are not right.

  • I think we take the drs word as God, when they are often wrong. I have heard many cases being diagnosed too late,  particularly when they are young like my husband. I think it is rare in young people so they dont look that hard...and they often dont have symptoms till too late as well. In your Dads case tho it sounds as if he had symptoms that were brushed aside, with 'rare', but totally devastating results. I think we have to be pretty much in charge of our own health these days and keep looking for answers until we are satisfied, despite being seen as 'a nuisance' by the drs. I paid privately to have some symptoms checked out despite my drs comment that "your husbands cancer was so rare, one out the box! Unlikely you are going to have something happen too!" If I do, I am the only parent left for my girls and I need to do everything in my power to make sure I am around for them and its caught early! And contrary to what she told me, in our cancer support group we were told it was common for close family of a cancer sufferer to also develop a serious illness in the year or two after...i think the stress on your immune system from all the worry makes us more vulnerable,  so really important to look after (and monitor) ourselves!

  • Health is everything and taking the power and paying if need be to get the answers is the right thing to do. Your husband was just too young to go through something like this, as was my Dad. Wishing you and your girls strength over the coming years in dealing with this and good health. I have never written on a forum but it is definitely a good place to share your own story in the hope that others take comfort that they are not alone in this journey. 

  • Hi there, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your dad. 
     

    I am also 29 and on Monday we found out my dad has stage 4 Oesophageal Cancer which has also spread to his lungs. I feel so confused and scared for my dad as I live 2 hours away from him and feel so helpless. I have a 3 year old and 9 month old baby so it's very hard to spend as much time with my dad as I would like. I wish I was able to be there with him every day but I am great full he has a wonderful strong woman who is caring for him the best she can right now. 
     

    my dad is not really able to eat as the cancer is the size of a lemon, he tends to bring back up what he does eat and drink, occasionally he can keep it down. This has caused him to loose lost lots of weight and he is quite weak most days. He seems positive and upbeat when I speak to him daily which brings me lots of comfort. 
     

    My dad will start chemo next Friday, was supposed to be today but his heart wasn't looking too good so they delayed treatment.
     

    Can I ask, was your dad stage 4 when dignosed? Did they tell him how long they thought he had? How did chemo affect him? It's so hard to make sense of this cancer and what I read online scares me. I feel I need to know as much as I can about this cancer to help understand as much as I can what my dad will and is going through. I wish I just knew how long it's likely my dad will be around. My head is going crazy thinking constantly about him and my heart is truly breaking for him :(  if it's not too much to ask could you kindly share some insight to your dads diagnosis. Many thanks x

  • Hi there, so sorry to hear you are going through a similar experience. Yes, my Dad was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, truly heart breaking and hard to come to terms with. We were never given any estimations about 'how long' but I think that is a good thing. It was often in the back of my mind but I pushed the idea of 'time left' away as for me, it was better to take each day as it came rather than worry about the future. Just treat every day as a blessing and be there to support him, even if it is just a daily phone call, it means alot. Reading online stories is scary (I did the same), but try not to let that worry you. Remember every individual is so different and responds to treatment in different ways. Through the chemo experience my Dad became very tired, lacking in energy, depressed and had cold hands so keeping him warm was important. Nausea is a common side effect my Dad experienced unfortunately throughout the whole process (not just during chemo). As my Dad could not properly eat most of the time flem/saliva would come up rather than anything with actual substance. One recommendation is thinking about types of food he can easily swallow which are good for weight gain- my Dad particularly liked Haargen Daas ice cream and porridge. During chemo my Dad was able to do day trips out to local gardens and although exhausting I think it is good to still try and do things - creating memories is important. It provides a distraction for them too and stories to tell other than just talking about cancer. Try to make the best of your time, it is a hard journey, I think I cried every day during the time and still have a moment every day. All you can do is your best and live with no regrets that you did your best for them. I hope this helps to some degree. Wishing you, your family and your Dad strength and love X
  • Hi there, sorry to hear of another person with this diagnosis. My husband was stage 4 when diagnosed and already had numerous tumors in his liver and lymph nodes. He couldnt eat either but the chemo shrunk that tumor down so he could. the other option is they can put a stent in the oesophagus so you can swallow.  my husband was only 43 when diagnosed and passed away in April,  11 months and three weeks from diagnosis.   I have heard cancer can often grow faster the younger and fitter you are, cells dividing faster etc, by the oncologist we were told 4 months with no treatment,  10 -11 with chemo, and she was pretty much spot on unfortunately. I made him lots of smoothies which gave him some energy, spinach, almond milk (uht), coconut cream (canned), blueberries, raspberries ( I use frozen,), flax seeds, hemp hearts,  cacao powder, quarter of a lemon including skin. grind it all up smooth as possible in a nutribullet or similar just before you drink it, they are so good my 13 year old and I still have one for breakfast every day, keeps us going for hours! can also add other fruit. You can make it up the night before and leave in the fridge to be ground when they are ready to drink it. Might be too hard at the moment but hopefully when chemo starts xx