Hi, sorry to hear what you and your family are going through,  we trod a very similar path with my husband, diagnosed with oseophagus cancer April 2019 at age 43, sadly passed away a few weeks ago almost 1 year to the day.  Without doubt the most traumatic year of my life, never felt so many overwhelming feelings at once before - anger,  helplessness, sadness,  misery, despair. .the list goes on. My kids have helped pull me through,  they keep me busy and grounded I guess, older daughter turning 13 today without her Dad,  so unfair.  I had lots of panic attacks to start,  I found taking slow deep breaths helped, and I saw my GP and got antidepressants which which I am still on now, the Dr said they won't stop the pain but even your mood so you are not just crying constantly. I think they helped me be strong for him..don't be afraid to ask for some,  we are going through one of the most difficult times in our lives ever. I don't have panic attacks  now he is gone,  deep aching sadness instead,  pain has changed but still there and I think it will be for a long time - the price of true love I guess but despite the hurt it's better to have had him and my two beautiful girls - "better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all" , but there's no way around it, it's tough. My husband like me to reminisce with him about the good times when we were young and healthy,  talk to him about the stuff he did in the past with you that you loved, you are not alone,  there are lots of us suffering  this evil that is cancer xx

Hi TC. I really feel your pain. I lost my dad a week ago today to this horrible illness. He was diagnosed in March so he really didn't last long at all. It was just awful watching him struggling to eat but he really tried because he so desperately wanted to stay, he loved life. I was unable to be with my dad as he got diagnosed with COVID-19 a week after having an oesophageal stent fitted and then he was transferred to the local hospice. My dad did not show any typical COVID symptoms only the fever but this horrible virus robbed me of precious time with him and I never got to tell him all the things I wanted him to know and I never got to hold his hand or comfort him. It's eating me up. The lovely doctor stayed with him and held his hand and talked to him as he passed. I'm totally broken hearted. The only advice I can offer you is just to make sure you let him know how much he means to you in the days and weeks that follow. Spend as much time with him and make it fun. You will get the strength you need. Xx

Lost my dad 6 weeks ago to cancer,still feel shocked I really really miss him  wish I'd had spent more time with him, so try and spend as much time as you can.

Unfortunately my dad passed away this morning. Even though it was expected, nothing can prepare you for the emotional rollercoaster you go, I'm absolutely exhausted and it's only been 12 hours. Luckily 2 days before he passed I was able to Have a dance with him that thankfully was filmed by a family member. A video that has all of a sudden become the most precious thing to me ever. 

I'm so sorry to hear that your dad has gone. I lost my mum in March to secondary breast cancer so have some understanding of how you are feeling. Don't worry if you go into a kind of numb state over the next few days, your body will try to protect you from so much anguish straight away. I never believed that the stages of grief you read about were so accurate but I have been experiencing them pretty much to the letter. I have been through denial, anger and guilt and now just feel so sad and lonely. I'm not married and my mum and I lived together so I am always conscious that she is gone. I miss her so much it's unbelievable. All I can advise is to go with your feelings and most of all talk about your dad as often as you can. I have found that talking about my mum really helps and I have been advised to talk to her too so have been trying that but I think it makes it worse. Be kind to yourself and take any comfort you can such as watching your video. Sending you hugs.