Still can’t believe my mum has gone

I lost my precious mum 15 weeks ago today and still I haven't really broken down like I thought I would. I know it is still early days but for me not to see her is ages. It would never have been this long. Starting to wonder what is wrong with me. My mum made up half my world, my children, grandson, dog and family make up the other. Spending time with my mum was always high priority for me, everything I did was with her. She gave me so much and I don't understand why I'm not this wreck that can't function. I do have very down days and going to the cemetery drains me but over all I lead a fairly normal day to day living. I'm heartbroken to have lost her, it still seems so un real and I truly believe in my heart she's coming back soon. I just can't accept she's not. 

I'm still signed off work but I think I could go back now. The only reason I haven't is because work are saying  stay off  until I'm 100% ready. I think until I go back though I won't know how I will react. I do wonder if this is why I haven't faced up to losing my mum because life is so completely different, I have no routine to my day anymore. On my days off on the way back from the school run I would call my mum and we would arrange our day together, I haven't been in that position so maybe that is part of me not facing up to my loss. My daughters seem to have accepted their loss and at time really struggle to hold it together. I do get very sad and cry but then it's like something stops me. My mum's decline was so rapid and towards the end she was in bed sleeping a lot but when she woke up she was in so much pain, I do wonder if that's why as well cos I couldn't bear to see her like that.  It's the only thing I'm grateful for, that she didn't suffer for months on end. She was still my mum. So far I've had 2 phone calls with a bereavement officer from the hospice but get very little from it as I don't think I'm anywhere near grieving. I'm thinking of stopping it for the time being. 

I've still got a lot of anger to the world that she was taken, why her, why my mum? I know I've been so very lucky to have had this wonderful person in my life but just feel so robbed for her, myself and family that we will miss out on so much. Cancer is such a cruel, vile disease and just doesn't care who it destroys. My mum did everything right but still it got her. Why, why is life so damn unfair! 
 

I don't know what I'm hoping for by posting this, I know nobody can change things for me but if anyone reads this thank you for taking the time to do so. 

 

Parents
  • Dear Nicola

    I'm so sorry to hear about your mum.  I lost my mum last year,  she declined rapidly too, and although I'm relieved that she's not suffering anymore,  I feel like I have a hole in my soul.  I want to tell you that you're going to be ok,  you just need to cry and allow your pain to come out,  when you're ready. It's ok not to feel ok,  just talk to someone if you need to, a dr, a Psychologist,  a therapist. Take your time to get used to a new normal,  it will slowly become easier for you with time. Losing my parents has always been my biggest fear,  even since I was very young,  and so when it happened to my mom,  I crumbled. But I'm ok,  and you will be too. Hang in there,  feel what you need to feel,  and each time you cry, you'll get a little bit stronger.  Sending you big hugs. Take care of yourself. 

  • Hi Dee

    Thank you for responding to my post.  I'm sorry you've lost your mum too. The last 16 months have been the most difficult of my life, as you say knowing she's not suffering brings some relief but I still miss her every minute of every day and a part of my heart is gone. I've coped much better than I thought I would, I was given an extra responsibility at work which I have gone into head first and that keeps me distracted. I still can't look at photos of my mum or listen to her voicemails and even now I think I'm still in denial as some days I strongly believe she will be back. I do feel her presence and at times feels she is with me.  

    So much has happened since she went and I feel so sad that's she missed out on all of it.  
     

    I hope you are coping and adjusting to your new normal.

    sending hugs, look after yourself. 
    nicola 

  • Hi Nicola

    Thank you so much,  I'm doing OK.. just takes time.  You'll adjust to a new normal,  and you'll be able to smile at the good memories...

    Small steps,  but you'll see... you'll get there.  

    I go through periods of listening to my mums voice and looking at pictures, and then other times I just can't do it because I don't want to think about it.  I treasure everyone more now,  and I have more patience with people... I'm just living in the moment,  and laughing again.. and you will too :)

    Keep in touch,  and hang in there,  remember there are people if you need help to feel ok xx

     

    Big hugs and have a beautiful day :)

     

    Dee

     

Reply
  • Hi Nicola

    Thank you so much,  I'm doing OK.. just takes time.  You'll adjust to a new normal,  and you'll be able to smile at the good memories...

    Small steps,  but you'll see... you'll get there.  

    I go through periods of listening to my mums voice and looking at pictures, and then other times I just can't do it because I don't want to think about it.  I treasure everyone more now,  and I have more patience with people... I'm just living in the moment,  and laughing again.. and you will too :)

    Keep in touch,  and hang in there,  remember there are people if you need help to feel ok xx

     

    Big hugs and have a beautiful day :)

     

    Dee

     

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