rachWBA,

I am ver sorry for your loss, I know exectly how you feel. Unfortunately it wont get better for a while but you have to get up every day and go. Most of my friends' mums died and they talk to me about it. It makes it easier for me as they can symphatise with me as they understand what I am going through.Some of them needed 3 years to recover but they did in the end.

Life will never be the same but eventually you will be happier. Try to find something you look forward to every day. Small things.I know at the moment you feel like you cant be excited about anything but you have to try. My mum had melanoma that has eventually spread everywhere in her body. She was fighting for two years but died in March.Cancer is horrible. I am still traumatised as she died in lockdown and I could not even go home, there has been no funeral yet. Everything is just hanging in the air and I have no motivation to even get up in the morning to be honest. But I know I have to force myself, otherwise things will go downhill and I dont want to become ill. Like yourself, I have achieved just now things I wanted and fighted for a long time but I dont even care about anything anymore because I cant share my achievments with my mum. I find that exercise helps to lift my mood. I have trained every day anyway but now it is very important. I also try to have a routine in my life so life feels a bit more normal and I feel a bit safer. I try to eat healthy and its a good way to spend some of my time to cook. I also reward myself with ice cream a lot of times. I hope day by day you will feel better.

I can understand how you feel. My mama sadly passed away a week ago. She had pancreatic cancer which sadly spread to most of the organs in her torso. She bravely fought for almost three years. My mama too passed during the lockdown, she chose palliative care. The loss of her is very difficult to take, as we were best friends as well as mama and daughter. You will get through the pain and nobody can tell you how long you should mourn. Your mum will know every achievement you make and she would not want you to lose heart, just as mine wouldn't. It is good to hear that you are getting better. All the best and it sounds cliche, but time will help to heal and remember your mum is always with you. Blessings

I lost my mama just one week ago - we were best friends and did everything together. Life seems so quiet and numb without her, she was a lady who was so full of life, love and energy - not to mention an awesome sense of humour. She too was the most important person in my life, we did everything together, she was always there for me. I asked myself all the questions you have and I shed tears when I do, then I remember - would your mum want you to live without love and laughter in your life and your heart. She would want you to relish every moment of your life and to live. You will always miss her, as I miss my mama. Nothing will take her away from you, ever. You will always miss your mum, there is no amount of time will change that. Remember the good times you shared and hopefully that will make you feel better - but only when the time is right for you. Take care of yourself. 

hi I'm new to here, and just want you to know your not alone, I to lost my mother to cancer that spread to her brain, she was diagnosed with it nearly a year ago, and fought the best fight, she got cancer 4 times since I was 15 years old and kept fighting through it with operations and treatments and every time the sneaky thing came back throughout the years , but this time it spread to her brain and we were told no cure, it was the hardest thing in my life watching her deteriorate and the pass few months, I cared for her and at times I cried and dreaded what was to come, she end up falling one day and because the cancer spread to her bones,  her hip broke because the cancer weaken the bone, and she end up in hospital they operated on her and 2 days later we got a call to go up to the hospital but when we got there she had just passed away, my heart broke as every day I asked the nurses could I see her, and begged them, and wasnt allowed becoz of the stupid corona virus,  her wishes were to die at home, and to not be there at the end killed me...  she died 3 weeks ago and as you were saying, life isn't the same, and the pain in my chest aches, I have a 9 year old boy and he loved his nanny so much to, I try to keep going but sometimes I feel like I'm not there I'm litterly strolling along, in another world, I feel like would it be better I'd have gone with her, it's not the same with out her at all, she was my rock, my go to person, my trust, and I'm crying here writing this, but like I just don't want to talk to ppl much, I'm trying to be strong for my son and my father but like I feel like I want the days just to go by so I can go to bed, and not speak or see anybody, I pray for signs off her, I'm 33 years old and I just feel like now that I have time back I just don't have the energy or want in me, it's like I don't care about anything anymore, so I know how your feeling I'm struggling at times, hardest thing I've ever went through, i miss her so much, this is the first time I've spoke out, knowing all you have been through it brings me comfort,  I was actually just thinking there if one of you want to meet for a walk keeping socially distant, and talk about our moms I'd love that, as I feel like ppl don't understand who haven't been through it, maybe it might help some of us to walk and talk about each of our stories of our mams, I know they all loved us, but it's just so hard learning to live without them.. sorry for long message ! 

love to you all x

I feel exactly as you do, OP

I'm so sorry to hear your news. You've had it tough, you're only 24. I'm in my early 50's, sitting here sobbing cos I heard some music and it set me off. My gorgeous mum died, last July of a brain tumour too. After we'd had the prognosis, it was only about two months before she died- too quick, couldn't get my head round it, still can't. I miss her so much, my best friend, my soulmate, my confidante.....I'm married, have a son at home and still feel very lonely, I do understand. It's not easy, it won't be easy. It's so early yet, such a short period of time since your beautiful mum died. Take each day as it comes, there will be the odd day that feels better. Remember, your mum loves you and you still love her, nothing will take that away. Remember your mum loved and would want you to experience that love, if it's what you want in the future. Sending love and hugs xx

rachWBA don't let anyone tell you that things should be getting easier, you take as long as you need. I lost my mum in March and like you I want her back so much. I'm single but have great family and friends who are doing everything they can to help me feel better but it is as if I am viewing life through a fog. My brother is living with me at the minute and he is trying so hard through his own grief to make sure I'm ok. So I get up and go through the motions and just pray that eventually the fog will lift and I will no longer have to pretend to be ok. 

Thankyou for your lovely message, it's so absolutely rubbish isn't it. I just want her back more than anything. I feel like I really am struggling to get through each day cause they all feel so pointless. January seems like such a long way away now I feel like I should be finding it easier (as people keep pointing out helpfully...) but I'm not at all. In fact I'm finding it harder. I hope you're doing okay, we're in this rubbish club together xx

Thankyou for your message it really means a lot. It's just absolutely draining and all consuming isn't it. There isn't a minute of the day where I'm not thinking about her honestly, I get irritated when people try to talk to me about anything else. Everyone seems to be moving on and feeling happier, how can I possibly ever feel happier when mum is gone and I've got to live the rest of my life from 24 till when I die without her here. It's not going to change so how can I ever be happy again. I just miss her so much. I'm so sorry to hear about your lovely mum. It's just not fair is it. I'm sure you feel the same, but I feel like I'm missing one half of me. She was everything to me and the saddest part is she was absolutely devastated that she had to leave me knowing I'd not have her anymore. She kept saying 'I don't want to leave you' before she died and it just kills me. She had so many plans for the future, so many things to look forward to and cancer has shattered every single one of them. Xxxx

I'm so sorry to hear that. If you need a chat at all I'm here, we're all part of this crap club that we never signed up for! It's so unfair isn't it xxxx