We lost mum to cancer nearly 2 months ago now. She was diagnosed in July 2019 and despite really positive signs in December following her first round of treatment things plummeted in February ultimately leading us to hospital and then of course losing her mid March.

One of mum's fears was that Dad wouldn't cope without her as he relied on her for most things (as most men do I guess!) and with Coronavirus kicking in at that time neither myself or my older brother/sister didn't want to leave him on his own.

I just moved into my first house with my fiancé in February and said we would have him. Dad initially seemed to think it would be a few days until we pointed out it would be more like a couple of weeks especially as lockdown was about to come in. The plan in our heads was he could either return home or spend some time at my sisters who is just 10 minutes away from us.

It's now been over 6 weeks and having initially not seemed keen to come for more than a few days now (perhaps due to the current situation) shows no interest in going anywhere else. My sister has even suggested he goes there but he has refused.

Obviously with current government guidance it makes things tougher and in fairness the above would have contradictes that. 

The problem however is that I am finding my own mental health is seriously starting to suffer. This is going to sound immensely selfish and this is part of my difficulty as I feel I am choking on the guilt for what I am feeling too. I am desperate for some space, my mood is being brought crashing down by him as understandably he is low and at the same time don't feel like I've been able to grieve myself because of his presence.

I find myself getting noticeably angry everytime he enters the room and of course this is mingled with guilt.

My partner has been wonderfully understanding but she is also starting to struggle with it, especially as a time we have just moved in together and where she having been furloughed has expected we would get time together by ourselves.

There is nothing to stop his return to his own house other than a concern from us as a family for him to be left on his own. My brother lives a few minutes from there so would think the best option would be for him to keep an eye on him but that seems to be being dismissed.

I can already hear of all the reasons why he might not be keen to go elsewhere, including his own house (which of course will be empty and full of memories - though he needs to go back at some point) and totally understand all of them. But and again this feels unbelievably selfish is having a major impact on my mental health and at times my relationship.

Everytime I think of everything and spin round in several circles it just makes things worse as I feel like I'm trapped with no escape with crippling emotional baggage to boot.