I'm really sorry for your loss and to read about your fall Jay_S, it sounds very painful but I'm glad you're slowly back on the mend now.

I can see your post is intended for [@gutted]‍ so I'm just going to tag them in this post so they can be notified they've been mentioned and fingers crossed they'll get back to you soon. 

Wishing you all the best with your recovery Jay_S.

Kind regards,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator 

Hi gutted here, so sorry that you have been having such a terrible time, both physically and coping with your loss,I havent been back on this site for a while but I have been thinking about you, your prayers must have helped my hubby, he is doing really well ( I have to pinch myself) he is dressing himself,walking unaided and all by taking 2 tablets for his thyroid, I know the cancer is still there but Im still taking one day at a time, we never asked how long he has so just making the most of each day.

When hubby was in hospital and the house felt empty I use to put the radio/tv on (but not the news) just to hear another voice.

The love you and your husband had will not be lossed,and in time you will smile and remember all the good times you shared, take care and if you need me I'll be here

Hi there Gutted, so nice to hear from you.

Firstly let me say how delighted I am to hear that your hubby is now doing so much better, it must be a great relief for you. I would have reacted exactly the same as you're doing i.e. taking each day as it comes. It';s very difficult to say the least. but knowing he's getting at least some respite from this awfu disease is comforting.

You may recall that I managed to fall down the bottom 3/4 stairs breaking my pelvis, so am on crutches and using a walking frame. Last weekend I managed to stab myself (unknowingly due to the fact I'm unable to feel my feet that the nerve damage has caused through my long term diabetes) and found myself back in A & E again with 3 metatarsel breaks in my opposite foot to the pelvis break). So as you can imagine I'm very limited to what I can do.

I'm really strugging with the loss of my husband and am now speaking to a bereavement councellor who says that I am traumatised and have a lot of issues to address. I just can't believe that this has happened. I have a large framed photo of him opposite my chair when I'm trying to sleep when I'm trying to doze in the armchair (unable to go to bed) so that I can see him at all times, (I have to keep the lamp on). It does help me a lot that knowing he's close.

I pray that you have a great deal more time together I really do.  It's a comfort to me knowing that you're there too, so please keep in touch.

Much love

Jay_S

Hi Jay_S, just checking in to see how you are coping no one expects you to be fine, I'm lucky hubby is doing ok at the moment, still doing one day at a time. Please take care of yourself

Hello there gutted

So sorry I haven't replied until now. Firstly I'm very pleased to hear that your hubby is still doing well, I think about both of you often.

My situation, as you know is one of feeling lost without my wonderful husband. Every day is extremely difficult and a mammouth task just to get to night time when I'm unable to sleep for more than an hour because everything that happened at the hospital keeps spinning around my head. We have (myself and my sister-in-law) a meeting coming up some time about the events of the days my husband spent in the hospital. The odd thing is perhaps that at no time did I ever think of him not being here with me. I miss him so much, it's painful. I feel totally lost and am losing weight all the time.

I'm still having counselling, but I don't yet know if it's actually doing me any good. The person I speak to is of course lovely, but the object is to get me talking about everything that's on my mind. He says that I am extremely traumatised, which is of course true.

My own injuries haven't yet healed so I'm still struggling around with crutches and walking frame at the moment. My sister is staying with me at present, but I feel the time is getting close when I'll be truly on my own, with my husband of course. I spend most of the night just crying for him and asking him why he left me. I have been in hospital many times during my life, but I have never felt pain like this, it's just terrible and I just don't feel as though I can carry on this way.

I sincerely hope that all you people out there, don't have to endure this awful situation.

Please keep in touch.

Much love

Jay_S

Hello Gutted

Concerned that I haven't heard anything since my last post on 04 July 2020. I sincerely hope that everything is going well for your hubby and yourself and he's keeping as well as is possible. Take Care. Looking forward to hearing from you.

Jay_S

Hi Jay_S

Sorry didnt see your last but one post, have been wondering how you were doing without your beloved but I'm sure  the pain, longing and missing him must be a nightmare you have been so strong throughout his horrible illness, and more than likely neglected yourself,you have to be kind to yourself especially after what has happened to you, treat yourself to those things that we avoided to stop us putting weight on now they will do you good.

Hubby is doing good eating and drinking  well, even cut down on his pain relief medication, last ct scan had good news and bad the spots on his lungs have shrunk slightly but there is something suspicious on the right pelvic nodes, but he is going to carry on with the immunotherapy and have another ct scan in September he is having a good quality life long may  it last,  I just take one day at a time and we enjoy the good days.

please take care of yourself and we all greive differently nothing is right or wrong so no pressure  xx