Empty - mum passed away, struggling

It takes my breathe away to even try to write this down, let alone tell anyone face to face. I lost my mum on the 19 th April. Mum had a sudden cancer diagnosis in June 2017. After a big op,stoma fitted, mum seemed to be doing ok. There was chemo, you get used to a new normal really. In denial probably. Then just like the first time a blockage caused unreversable problems. Within 3 wks mum lost the battle. In my mind this was never going to be the case I didn't want to even think I'd never have my mum. I'm going to be 50 within the month, Mum was 75. How do you start to accept what's happened, how can you start to talk about it. I feel so lost and sad. The last wks where all traumatic and now we have a restricted service to deal with, meaning close family inc grandchildren can't attend. What is life about? Is it worth it?

 

  • I can empathize completely with your loss. I too have just lost my beloved mama to pancreatic cancer two days ago, it happened very quickly also - she was only 63.  I felt myself asking all the questions you are now. The only way I can find to accept what is happening, is to remember the good things about her, the memories we made together and the unique times that only we shared that will stay with me forever. That gives me a little strength with each passing moment. I too am arranging a small service for my mum- it is difficult to know who to ask, but I think of one thing. As long as there are people there who love her, even it is just the one, than she has been remembered and never lost. Life has been lost for both of us and as much as it hurts now, it will pass. Keep her memory with you always. Be safe, be strong. Do not let a terrible illness bring tragedy to your life again. Loving blessings always xx

  • Hi Atlas

    Actually hello my love, Thank you for your supportive reply. Actually to find people going through a similar time and experancing the same thing at a similar time creates a little calm. As surely you can't know how anyone feels unless you've been through it. This whole thing leaves you in a mentle war. Thoughts of good and bad. Regrets along side at least we did. 

    I do understand that love is painful and unless you've loved we wouldn't be enduring our losses like we are. Nothing sits right currently, almost every waking thought is about mum not being here. 

    Your messege does ring true and I find it helpful to read and a positive start to today when you find someone has responded. So a big Thankyou. I find myself wondering constantly can Mum still see us is she there in some form. 

    Thinking of you Thank you.