My dear Jasmine, I am so so sorry for your loss. You don't say if you are alone of if you have other family around. I just get a sense you need someone to talk too. Perhaps away from those around you. You don't say how old your mum was when she passed on Saturday. I do know no matter how old or young she was everything right now for you is such a bloor. I have heard people say I even if they only have a short time after diagnosis. At least you can start to slowly start to to prepare. I have heard it said it's easier not to have known. I don't know how much help I can be but I will try. I have terminal lung cancer myself. I have got used to the fact I am dying. I have always had a mind to think whatever path we choose in life. It's already mapped out we all have a time to be born we all have a time to die. It's just how our fate turns out. No matter what we do we can not stop what's written. I had to start thinking this way when at 29 I had the police knock on my door telling me my husband had not long died in a car accident. I didn't cry it was all so weird. I just said no he can have he's not long left to go work. He's gone tonight because he's got to finish early tomorrow we are signing for the house we bought so we can move back to Cambridge. Biggest mistake we made leaving to come back to Leicestershire. So no he wouldn't do that to me. I was realky flippent about it. They asked if he was driving a blue I jumped in and said the make and registration of the car I said yes it's mine he took mine for a change not that we do have mine and your cars. I did say he's stopped to give someone a lift they stole his jewellery and the car. I needed a wee and this policewoman came with me. I can remember saying get out of the bathroom she said she wasn't allowed in case I went into shock. I clearly said I am not going into shock even if it was my husband I don't do shock or nerves. They had already asked if they could call my parents or anything I said sister phone book over there tell you who family. My mum and dad have spent the weekend in Kent before my brother goes Germany he's in the army you see they will be on there way back. They phoned a sister they had 3 to choose from, they saw my husbands parents phone number. So they called them too, my sister had stopped off and got one of my brothers. It seemed to be me consoling them. Yet all I wanted was for everyone to go. One of the police officers to take me to the hospital and one to babysit my 3 young children. I just wanted to scream at everyone to go. One thing I did learn when I wanted to scream I should have done. I have always been a person who does not panic or anything like that I just remember everyone talking and I couldn't think straight. I am having my brother siting me down saying Marj they are asking me to ask you personally not to go to the hospital. Due to injuries. I looked at my brother and said calmly well that's not happening I am going he said I have told them no one will stop you going and they didn't. So I will say it again do not be afraid to do what you feel like doing. Screaming crying beating the floor don't let anyone stop you. Recently I found out one of my brothers had just been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. It was the same brother who came over the night my husband died he was diagnosed 4 moths before myself. I remember him saying at least you have got done time this time to get used to it. Only he was wrong yes I knew he was dying but when it come to the day he died I realised no matter how much time you have to get used to it you don't a sudden death and one I knew was coming hand on heart I found no difference. Only this time on my way home I had this urge to scream building up. Then a song came on the Radio the song was s the everly brothers singing He ain't heavy he's my brother, I stopped the car and I screamed and screamed and screamed for my brother. I wasn't crying just screaming so really there's no right or wrong way to feel I am afraid, my only advice to you is don't ever hold anything back if you want to cry you do so don't let people stop you. But most of all this looking back was why I didn't do what I should have done how I was feeling the night my husband died when I just wanted to scream I stopped myself because like a lot of people we tend to worry about what other people think. Now I am going to send you a friend request so if there are somethings on the open forum you don't want the world and his mother to read you can send me a private message, you have to accept the friend request. Now jasmine please let me make something really clear to you my darling you are hurting right now. So please do not think for one second I am in anyway trying to make you accept my friends request. You might be quite happy writing on the open forum. I am sending this friend request because if you feel you want to chat in private I am here for you to do so I would not be in the slightest way offended if you chose not to accept the friend request. Although I do think it might help you to chst to people or make it slightly easier for people to reply if you did perhaps share a little bit more. Like how old your mum was when she passed I didn't want to say she was elderly or anything like that as I did not want to offend you. My brother was just 51 when he passed of cancer. Now that's not elderly at all, my husband was 32 when he passed. Yet my farther was 79 so I hope you understand what I mean. You say it was quick do you mean diagnosis to her passing or her passing was quick. I have to say or ask these questions because what most people fear is putting their foot in things. I was older than my brother by 4 years. So I got the terminal diagnosis at 54. I had a daughter at 33, one at 32, a son of 31, a daughter at 19, and a son coming up 21. I have told you the ages of my children x really because if anyone had have said to anyone of my children well she's leading a long life that's something each one of my children would be extremely offended that some one would say or imply I was elderly. So I may not be making a very good job with it. I am worried that I may say something to offend you. If you get what I mean. Other people would be. I don't want to say well how old was your mum. That's the kind of thing that should come from you. I personally also think it's slightly easier to approach and help you without fear of upsetting you. Is what I am trying to say. The moderators could explain better than me Jasmin. Anyhow my darling angel I am again so sorry for your loss and I will send that friend request if you would prefer to chat privately. Again I am not saying you have to accept it. I just know me personally am a type of person if I wanted to chat about certain things I could not do so on a open forum. That's just a personal thing. I know I am not the only one so if you do not want to accept them don't if you do you have the best of both worlds. I am going to go sleep now I will be thinking of you. I will say a prayer for you and your mum. You might not be religious I am not but I do believe in saying prayers for your pain and for those that have passed god bless you my darling angel Jasmin. I wish I could magically take your pain away. All those that are hurting. I really do goodnight lots log love Marj xxxxx

Hi Jasmine.

I am sorry about your mum. I can imagine your thoughts and feelings you are having. 

I lost my mum 15 years ago but it still feels like it was yesterday. 

I have to be honest about this that peole said to me  "it will get easier and less painful over time" 

This isn't true! 

Time will come and go events in your life will occur etc and you will wish your mum was here.  

There hasn't been a day that I havent thought or cried about her. 

What makes it worse is since she died no one in my family mentions her they find it a sore subject it's like when she died that it more mum talk. This was the biggest mistake ever.  I has seen therapists as I have not lived a sane life at times and they all come to the same conclusion that I have not grieved over my mums death .

I think your need to keep talking about her to your close ones, they may feel that its not something they should talk about as they may not want to upset you.  But you have to keep her lovely ways and thoughts alive.

I miss my mum so much I wish she was her but I to her daily not in crazy way but I hope you know what I mean. 

Xxx

Hello, I saw you commented on my post and I'm sorry to say my mum passed away on Friday and i'm having these exact same feelings as you and you are not alone. The one thing I found that has helped has been talking with people about my mum like memories they might have or just talking to them about my memories.

Wishing you well