I miss my mum

my mum died in 2017 when i was 14. it took me by complete shock. she had really bad brain cancer but becuase i was so young i didnt understand how bad and had no idea it was terminal. i thought she'd be ok. the day she died i was at home and she was in a huge amount of pain. my nan was there too and it was just the three of us. i remember my mum screaming and crying and i felt so helpless, i couldnt do anything to help. we rang the doctor and he bought some medication round. it should have been the ambulance. as the day went on i got more and more scared and ended up ringing my dad to come and pick me up. to this day i still feel guilty for leaving. i should have rung an ambulance for her. 

i seemed to cope with her death okay. i cried lots when she went into hospital but after that it was just at night. i thought if i just put thoughts about it to the side it would be ok but there was no hiding my feeling at night because i had no distractions. i still dont like to talk about it, i never had councilling, never really spoke about it, just put my feelings away. i still dont really know where my feeling are about it. i still get really upset but im not dealing with it how everyone else does. someone once asked me how i deal with it but i couldnt answer - i guess i just try to not think about it. but the truth is i dont think i can just live my life running away from the truth. maybe i am ok and this is normal. i dont know.

i think im just very confused about my feling towards my mothers death as ive never spoke about them before. i just miss her so much. she was the only person i could talk too, i never really had a good relationship with my dad so i didnt really have anyone to talk too about it.

 

  • Hi there Alfie...

    I've had a few young ones in my family that lost a parent ... and if you think about, you did what most young ones do, you lock most of those feelings away, and that works for a few years mostly .. but then one day, you try and put pain / grief in the corner of your brain, but it's full to bursting, and all those feelings / emotions and memories come flooding back ..

    So now's the time to take one feeling at a time and think of it like you were talking to that 14 year old child that you were then ... would you tell them they should of stayed , or would you tell them to go, as staying would be too painfull ..

    Now I've got two lads, and if I was like your mum was, there is no way I'd want any of them to stay and see me go through that ..I'm sure your mum would be so proud of you, for staying as long as you did .. if I'd been 14 when I'd lost my mum, I'd have gone too, staying would have been too much to bear ... 

    Now it's time to forgive your self, to realise, you did the right thing .. even though now you feel guilty ... nearly everyone feels guilty about something we wish we'd done differently .. 

    We only get one mum .. and we don't loose them, we are half of them .. we just keep them tucked up in our hearts now, and bring them with us through our life's.. your mum will see through your eyes... one day, you may come across another young one who has lost their mum and you can chat to them, as you know how that feels ..  

    When you remember those last days when you were loosing mum, try and remember, the mum before cancer, the one who held you as a baby.. taught you to walk, took you to school ... remember those days .. remember her smiles ... remember how that made you feel .. do this very and over slowly remembering the nicest thoughts of your mum .. till it pushes those painful memories away .. that's how she'd want you to remember her ...

    And forgive your dad .. a few men find it hard to help his children, when he was grieving his self and trying to work out his feelings ... adults and kids grieve differently ... talk about her .. me and my lads talk about my mum 30 years after we lost her ... we get photos out, and we talk about her ...

    I'm here most days, if you'd like to chat to me about her ... I can't take it away, but I can listen, and hear you .... sending you a vertual hug.... Chrissie x