I lost  my partner three weeks ago now to  stage 4 rectal cancer. This has been the hardest month of my life looking after you and watching you deteriorate in front of my eyes has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do and will ever have to do...!

People say that least you can say goodbye to your loved one.. but I think its worse watching them suffer watching them deteriorate and turn into someone they are not due to this *** card they have been dealt!

I've had to support him with personal care as he is too weak, support him with dressings and have him get angry not wanting to be touched, not wanting anyone near him pushing everyone away so its less harder to leave us all behind.

but truth be told its very hard to deal with watching your loved one suffer pushing you and family away to try to protect us and you, feeling so helpless its horrid.

He fought for a whole year for nothing...yeah there was always hope but he knew he wouldn't make it past March and he said that and he was very accurate with everything regarding his treatment too. Just wish he had it picked up earlier 4 years ago and maybe things would have been different if doctors didn't put it down to its due to his age being soo young! Well wake up Doctors it's happening in people as young at 16 so be more wary when youngsters come in with symptoms of bowel cancer...!.

Still feeling so angry at life right now why him he was the best person always there to help anyone.

God I miss him and his cheeky face soon much..

Cancer is evil and a life sentence.!! 

Sorry if I rambled but needed to write something to get it off my chest as I'm stuck on lockdown in a house with our beautiful 2yr old boy who now has to grow up with out his daddy. 

Xxxx