Hi Stacey

Just wanted to reach out and let you know you're not alone and I understand what you're going through

I just turned 30 and lost my beloved dad on 17 March just five weeks after diagnosis. This came completely out of the blue as he was so fit and well until the new year, and was living life to the full visiting the USA and going to Glastonbury with us.

I feel like I've been winded and had my whole life pulled like a rug from under my feet. I'm lost without him as he was my hero... I feel so foolish now for all the plans I made for the future, assuming he would be around for another 15-20 years. None of my friends can relate or understand the pain.

I'm here if you ever want to talk xx

Hi Stacey

Firstly I’m sorry to read of your loss. My wife of 20 years passed away on the 6/3/20 and she was my whole life. I’m sitting here as my feelings are the same as yours , I have this feeling of total loss and really unsure of what the future holds.We have two brilliant children aged 19 and 16 and my heart aches when I think of them without their mother.

My wife was only 45 and I feel so angry and really feel robbed of the best part of our lives.

The feelings your having unfortunately seem to be part of the grieving process but I genuinely hope with time it eases ( for both our sakes ).Stay Strong

Hi c-Brad

sorrt to hear about your wife, I lost my husband too last September to stage 4 lung cancer which came out of the blue, diagnosed in July and passed away September. He was fit and healthy so this was and still a big shock.  We had been together 26yrs and he was only 54yrs.  We also have two children age 16 and 19 but they have been amazing, they are what keep me going . This is still early days for you I hope you look after yourself . I’m here if you want talk 

Hi Stacey,

I’m in the same boat I lost my dad two weeks ago on the day I was exactly 5 months pregnant. My dad was diagnosed with bowel cancer 2 years ago which spread to the liver- he also fell 20ft off a roof last year so I guess we were lucky to have another year with him. He had got strong again and was working away and then the jaundice set in and in two weeks he was gone. However he was in a lot more pain than he was ever let on and watching him suffer for just those two weeks was horrific. My dad brought me up on his own (due to my mothers alcoholism however she is now sober and we both made up with her in the past 3 years), and we were joint at the hip. I’m only 20 and I can’t believe he’s gone and I’m really struggling with trying to wrap my head around a life without him. 

I don’t think friends can understand what we are going through unless they’ve been there. A few of my friends have been pretty absent from my grief which although hurts I think just shows who’s important to have around. And to be honest some friends who have tried to be supportive have just irritated me. My only advice of what has helped me is to lean on those who support you and try and focus living for our dad’s- one of the last remarks my dad made to me was that I would just have to get on with it and although blunt has helped. I’m here to talk anytime.

Hi there

i am so sorry about your Dad. My mum has the same cancer. Colon / bowel with the dreaded liver mets. She is in hospital at the mo and I can't see her they've shut all the visitors out because of this bloody virus. She is so depressed that she has shut herself off and won't call us. I tried to call the hospital but they didn't answer so I dunno if she is going to get treatment. Did your dad have any chemo or treatment? I hope they will treat mum at least give her a chance with this. Mum is my best friend and I'd be lost without her I love her so much that even now just knowing she has cancer makes my heart collapse. Why does this awful awful illness take away such beautiful people from us..I don't know how I'd survive if it wasn't for my husband. I am going to do everything I can now to raise money for cancer and cancer treatment etc once this virus goes away. I want to do something for mum. I just want to see my mum smile again.

Hi I’m really sorry about your mum and I can’t imagine what it’s like with this virus going on it was hard enough in the hospitals a couple of weeks ago. Over the past two years my dad first had an operation in the bowel and then had three different kinds of chemo treatment and each time they seemed to be working and then they’d do the scan and we’d get bad news. I’d say my dad’s accident didn’t help either because it set his chemo back a few months. My dad did get all the treatment he could possibly get though and the cancer wards were very good at making sure he got good care and I really hope that doesn’t change with this virus. A family friend was actually just diagnosed a few days ago with pancreatic cancer and they are starting new treatment with her right away so hopefully they’ll do the same with your mum and hopefully she’ll be safer in hospital with all the medical care than at home. Your mum will have days were she will be very down my dad was sometimes very hard to deal with and would take his frustrations out on me but he didn’t mean it and no matter what happens they are still the person who’s been by your side all these years they are just fighting something they can’t control. Just give her some time and keep trying and you’ll hopefully eventually break through.There’s possibly no receptionist on the ward I noticed that the last few times I was in hospitals so maybe try the hospitals main line and explain the situation? 

Make sure to keep focusing on you and what your mum would want you to do and to be strong- I thought I needed this special goodbye talk with my dad or letters for special occasions that you hear people getting- but I realised we already have it all because we have the luxury of having our parents as best friends who have taught us and loved us and we’ll always have that unlike a lot of people who don’t. I’m very glad you have your husband by your side and let him look after you and be open about everything. Your mum will smile again my dad had great days despite it all and your relationship will help her fight.

Hey Stacey, 

I'm not there yet, my dads still in the final stage. I'm also 25 and a daddy's girl and the youngest. My dad was diagnosed 6 years ago with gastric cancer that's spread now. I too felt like the minute I heard the word my world just ended. I have kids and even knowing he'll miss them growing up rips me apart. Take comfort knowing that even though you miss him because of how much you loved him and all those memories you have that he passed full of that love and those memories. I've spent the last 6 years thinking I'll never survive it when it happens. I know that I'll have to but I can't imagine the level of pain that's coming my way. Your doing it and surviving and that's all anyone can ever really hope for. It's ok to have days that you don't want to do anything but let yourself hurt for a minute. I've always hid my pain but now I let myself cry and let it come out because if I didn't it would eat me alive. Be strong girl I'm sending you all my love and please take care 

Cait x

Hi Victoria

Sorry for your loss. I really do feel your pain.

My wife’s cancer was colon that spread to liver , I still can’t get my head around it as one minute we were treating it then all of a sudden we are told things are worse and it won’t be long now. Even writing the words still shock me.

Question I have is does this get any easier as my heart breaks for my two poor children left without a mammy at such a vulnerable age.Every time I look at them I panic for their future.

sorry to throw this at you but the people around are great but don’t just understand fully the pain.

Regards c-Brad 

Hi  c-Brad

My husbands cancer was aggressive as this spread from his lung to his hips and spin so quickly. We didnt have time to discuss things thought we had more time thank the 3 months . This is still so raw for you as was not long ago time heals but your heart still will ache.  Take each day as it comes try not to think ahead .  You have to try and get those thoughts out of you head which is hard and be yourself as this is what your children will want .  It was hard for me as my son just started his dream uni 2 weeks after his dad passed away and my daughter turned 16 3 weeks after .  We are such a close family and have always got on with each other . Had a great family holiday back last February saying last one before they grow up and would want to come with us. I feel for children too breaks my heart but I think that they worry for me,  we don’t really take about what has gone on as don’t want to start each other of crying but hug a lot more .Try and be strong for them .  I have got a puppy which has really helped as never had a dog before .  She takes my mind of things and keeps me busy . How about your children what are they up to ?  Yes your right people don’t really understand what we are going through unless they have been through it themselves.  Have you had the funeral yet?. All so difficult at the moment with this Corona Virus going on this does not help as cannot plan to see anyone ! How you doing with this ?Keep in touch x

Victoria 

Hi Victoria.

Having a bad day here.

Im on registering my wife’s death and informing banks and the hard thing is repeating the date of her death.

We have had the funeral already as we live in Northern Ireland it all happens within 4 days.

Did you find this part very difficult, also trying to remember who to inform and what next seems to always be in my head.

sorry to burden you like this.

I hope your having a better day than me.

Regards c-Brad