Hi there ...

She's still with you .. look in the mirror... your half of her ... she lives safely wrapped in your heart now .. take her along your journey through life... she'll see through your eyes... 

Now it's your turn, to be that funny, caring, wonderfull mum to your little ones ... so they will know the same love you have for your mum .. l know my mum wanted to look down, and see me passing on the love she showed me, on to those I love ... bet your mum would be so proud of you ... 

Every time your showing that love and kindness to others .. she'll look at you with pride and say .. that's my girl ...  my mum (best buddy) has been gone 30 years and yes we learn to live with it, but we never stop missing them ... and now I'm on my cancer journey... that's what I'd want my son to do ... and I want to see him smile .. then I will ... sending you a vertual hug.... Chrissie xx

Hi Chrissie 

your beautiful words moved me to tears. My mum has bowel cancer that's in her liver now. Probably stage 4 already . I can actually feel her sadness and her pain and her anxiety. I am stunned -even though mum is now 72 and she didn't bother with the bowel screening tests I just can't be cross with her. To Carls1984 I'm so sorry such a sad and heartbreaking thing to have to go through. I'm dreading the day my mum dies. She is my absolute best friend. I literally feel sick to my stomach with this news I can barely eat. Cry.. just let it all out for as long as you need. A strong person is never afraid to cry. Please take care and keep safe x

Bless ya ..

It's one of the hardest things we go through in life ... but when I lost my wonderful mum, she called me one Monday morning, about her comming up mine the next day ... at 5.20 that afternoon she died from a massive heart attack... I never got to say , one more time how I was so proud to have her as my mum .. and thank her for the years she gave me ...  what I'd have given for one more day, or even one hour...

So what I would say to you, is grab hold of every minute .. tell her all what's in your heart .. hold her hand .. and don't look ahead .. just live in the moment ... and tell her it's o.k ... coz she'll be worried about you ..     I've just lost my sister to dementure .. where it was a hard two years .. but in those last week's, I sat next to her, and held her hand and we laughed about memories and when I told her " I really love you" she looked me in my eyes and said " and I love you more"  a memory for my heart to keep .. 

So as sad as this time is, hold on to the little things ... and know all those feelings are part of being blessed with a wonderful mum ... that's why it hurts ... but know your not alone ... now I look back on my mum and sister, and imagine the reunion up there ... my sister is now in the arms of our mum again .. and all the lifetime of memories they left us ... sending you a vertual hug... Chrissie xx

Hi there, I am about to go through the same thing that you did last year.I feel for you I'm going to be the same as you I know i am.  My mum has only got weeks to go but already i have started grieving as her body and mind has started to shut down( She has Grade 4 Brain Cancer). She's survived for 4 years with various treatment options which i'm mercifully grateful for but now reality has set in as she's debilitating right in front of my eyes it's so hard to watch. Like you i've known this time has been coming but now it's hear nothing has prepared me for it but somehow i'll have to get through it. 

Hi Carls1984, 

I feel you 100%. 

I lost my mum in February after a two year fight with Bowel cancer which spread to her liver. She was upbeat and strong throughout the majority of her treatment, but in those last couple of months, and definitely within the last week I watched her deteriorate and it was heart wrenching. To see someone so strong and independant, from a medical profression suffering and so frightened herself in hospital (the hospital in which she worked) was soul destroying, and I'm pretty sure it will haunt me forever. 

After her death I kept myself busy by helping my Dad sort out all paper work and arrangements that come along side death. So I was occupied I guess. But since time has passed and there's nothing left to arrange or research/send off... I find it's now hit me 10 times worse than it did when it actually happened. 

I have my Dad, and don't get me wrong, he's a great dad and he too is terribly lost without my Mum. However me and Dad just didn't have the same close relationship myself and Mum did. We were best mates, would chat absoulte rubbish for hours and would go to each other for comfort. I would never be able to talk to my Dad like that. 

My boyfriend does his best to understand, but he hasn't been through a big loss before, let alone one of your mother, so it's very difficult for him to really understand what's going on in my head. With the death of my Mum, the end of my current job contract, and now search for a new job in this current climate of Corona Virus - I honestly feel my whole world has been ripped apart and all the foundations I once had no longer exist. The one person who was a constant in my life from day 1 is no longer here, and  that is so hard to comprehend, some days I'm so unsure of how to handle it that I cry as the smallest thought of her. Yes I have other people very close to me, but they're not her and they never will be anything close. Yes she'd want me to be happy, but I also honestly believe if she could sit with me right now she would also cry and be angry at the situation. She was angry at her illness, she died at 62 with so much left ahead of her and so much still untouched. I almost believe she's venting some anger and frustrations through me.

It's a horrible journney grief, and one we must understand alone as everyone goes through it differently. Life has changed, massively. It's different now, I'm different now, always will be. I try not to think of it as living life without Mum, I see it as more starting a fresh, turning a new leaf and starting the next chapter of me, the one that has always been destined for me. The one my own Mum went on and lived when her own Mum died. I hope to make her proud eventually, when I've finished crying my way through the days.

You may think you're not coping, but you are, you're already doing it. Small steps, don't rush it, there's no time limit. And no one else can have any expectations as to when you should be "over it" or "moving on". 

Hi 

Thankyou so much for your reply, 

she certainly wouldn't want me to be sad, And I try to carry on as much as I can for the children, but she was a huge part of our everyday life routine etc, and it just seems so unfair that such a wonderful woman went too soon but I try and tell myself she is pain free now. 
I wish you luck on your journey and healing hugs 

Carly x 

Hi 

thanks for your reply, it's just dreadful isn't it I have a husband and 3 beautiful children, But life just isn't the same like you say, I don't see how it will ever get better I have found as the days goes in it gets worse, 

my thoughts are also with you as you go through this grief journey x 

We stayed so brave for mum, and never really spoke a lot about her dying, the liver cancer came as a huge shock she had just finished brain radiotherapy after clearing her smal cell lung cancer from her lungs,

But she had been sent to hospital as she was having potassium problems, she has been in a week and discharged and was told she would be fit to go back for chemo after a few days of her being at home with a urine infection, she just seemed to be getting worse not better and her local doctor had said to us that her liver was double the size and full of cancer and that she wouldn't be fit for treatment, 

I was being very naive and it wasn't untill her brain shut down and she could no longer communicate that I knew it was the end I was by my mums side for a whole week, the day she died was horrific she went peacefully, but I just didn't want her to be gone, and for anyone that has to go through it I honestly feel for you and send so much love your way, x