Hi there ...

So so sorry you lost your dad at such a critical age ... we lost someone in our family some 20 years ago .. he left behind 3 young step kids and two little ones of his own .. the 3 older ones were bout 13 to 8 .. they adored him like he was their dad too .. they were all in shock, and it was like a cloud had come over every one ...  

Luckily I talked with the two girls, and they really opened up to me, so l realise the heartache of how that felt to young ones ... for years, they had issues and to some degree still miss him terably .. and if only there was councilling for the young in those months that follow , it would so help .. 

I think from what I learned , children have a way of holding things in a place in their head to protect their young minds from overwhelming grief at that time .. but the thing is, it still needs bringing out, and sorting out those feelings to move on .. yes it's crule , the world still turns and people move on, but you can't .. I'm so glad you got come emotion out ... even writing it down helps ... it's o.k to feel angry he left when you needed him .. it's o.k to cry .. it's o.k to smile and laugh at some good memories ..

I think I've heard of some places that help young ones who loose a parent .. if any @moderators pick this up, could you please give more info ... @Lucy or anyone who knows .. give them a ring and I'm sure your not the only one who a few years down the line , need help .. reach out .. your grief now is the same as if it just happened ... I'm here most days if you want a chat ... sending you a vertual hug... Chrissie xx 

Hi s-adbh,

Welcome to Cancer Chat. I see Chrissie has given you some great support in her post, and as she says writing these things down can often be helpful, and I'm glad you've found this forum where hopefully you'll continue to get further support from others who may have been through something similar.

Everyone's grief is different and there definitely shouldn't be an expectation to get over it, despite how it may feel sometimes with everything else around you going on as normal. Try not to question how you feel - and also recognise that there may still be difficult times to come, but there are things you can do to help with how you feel and how you deal with this.

It sounds like it may be helpful for you to reach out to others about this, as well as perhaps to find others who have been through something similar.

Cruse may be useful - they offer support, advice and information to young people in situations like yours. You can find their website here and they also have a free helpline - 0808 808 1677.

Do also continue to use this forum as much as is helpful for you - as I say, hopefully speaking to others will help.

Wishing you all the best,

Ben
Cancer Chat Moderator

hi chrissie,

thank you so much for taking time out of your day to respond to my message. i'm so sorry to hear about your family loss. i hope both girls are doing okay:)

lots of love,

sadbh 

Hi, 

Yes they are doing good now ... but we talk about him all the time ... it's so important to have someone who will just listen ...  remember you are half of him, you have him safely tucked up in your heart now.. take him along your journey through life.... he's right there .... Chrissie x

hi,

that is such a lovely thing to say.thank you 

i'm really glad to hear they're doing okay. talking about him helps to keep his memory alive :)

lots of love,

sadbh

Hi,

I'm really sorry for your loss at such a young age. I was friends with someone who at 16 was still coming to terms with his mother's death from cancer at age 12-he was really struggling and I tried to be as good a friend to him as possible, my heart really went out to him as he was so young and so affected by it still (understandably). We lost touch so I don't know how he feels now, it's a long long time ago, but I know he was in a lot of pain at 16/17 still. I lost my own dad in my early 20s-still fairly young but I was an adult (although didn't feel like one!). It took me so long to come to terms with it (hence the username), I probably only really stopped grieving late last year some time-over 8 years since he died. I just kind of decided one day to stop, can't explain how. Yes I felt too I should have been over it, and still soo angry, arguing with my mum because she'd moved on and she didn't understand my depression, and I didn't understand why she wasn't depressed when we'd lost dad in such a horrically painful way.

I also made posts on here about how I wasn't over it (deleted now as they were quite angry) and people who had only weeks ago lost their parents were trying to comfort me. You do react differently when it first happens though, to later on when it's sunk in more. I expected to feel better in time, but it was a really long road.

I feel/felt all the things you do but I was/am older so to have dealt with what you have at such a young age, I really feel for you (I lost my grandfather at age 13 to cancer who I was very close to and have similar feelings of anger about that too). Do you have any family or friends to talk to about your feelings?

hi,

thank you for your reply. thank you also for saying what you said. somehow it made me feel slightly less guilty and a lot less alone. i think losing someone you're close with at any age is a horrific thing to go through. i'm so glad to hear you've come through it. it gives me some bit of hope that i'll get through it too. all my family and friends are so amazing and i couldn't ask for better. i always feel so guilty going to them for help. i know they care about me but they'll never care as much about my dad being gone as i do, which is completely understandable.

lots of love,

sadbh