I'm 19, My dad and I don't get along since my mum died.

My mum passed away from cancer 4 months ago and my dad and I don't get along since she died. We always argue and it's so draining. I never want to be at home and when I am at home I shut myself in my room. Sometimes I'd rather move out and live on my own or with friends or other family members. I just don't want to feel like my dad has lost me as well as my mum. I think we argue because he has completely changed the running order of the house, introducing rotas and chores. I don't mind doing chores, I like helping my dad out but he's introduced a rota which means every night we have to do something and it's taking away my time to do college work and seeing my friends. Some chores including making dinner, clearing up dinner and dog walking. I also think we argue because he never shows my any love or support, even when I've had a long day at college, I have no time to rest before going to work for a 5-8 hour shift because I have to make dinner or walk the dog.

  • Hi there ...

    So so sorry your going through this heartbraking time at the moment... 

    My friend and his daughter went through the same thing .. she was nearly 18 and her mum lost a 2 year cancer journey... the trouble was they were both grieving differently... he went in to robot mode and used drink to shut it out .. she found the atmosphere at home unbearable as she was sitting exams at college..  he couldn't understand why she was going out with friends , in his head enjoying life .. 

    Tempers flared and they nearly lost everything .. they needed someone to listen to both sides and explain to the other, that they were both dealing with grief the only way they could .. and slowly they started to come together and listen to each other .. and over a few months they communicated again .

    Your dad's probly doing what he can to carry on for you being on his own now .. and he needs you to help too .. I know you still have work and things .. but if you both come together and make a list that sorts out both of you farely ... it's a part of growing up by having to do a few more chores .. trust me if you get your own place you will have far more to do to keep it clean .. and it costs far more then you realise when you have to pay the bills too .. plus food .. plus rent .. cooking / cleaning etc ...

    So if you can empathise how hard this is for your dad .. and him you .. you can either loose each other totally,  or start coming together and hold each other up .. and realise your both trying to grieve too ..

    My heart goes out to both of you ... Chrissie x

  • Hi Liberty,

    Sounds like an awkward one, like you said both tired of arguing and both going through a lot of emotion right now. He's probably really struggling with everything so hence doing things the way he has but i'm sure if you can talk to him you can think of a way to help and getting it done. 

    Maybe try and change things up so that it doesnt end up being another argument try a gesture, taking him out for a meal or cooking for him or something to show you care a lot and try and say honestly that you need more time but also propose a solution to help him out so he isnt overwhelmed either? 

    I hope that makes sense? 

    Scott

  • Hi Chrissie, I understand everything you have said. I am going to ask my dad to sit down with me too sort things out. Thank you.

  • This makes great sense thank you.