My darling mum was diagnosed with cup back in Oct 2018.

She went to heaven yesterday and I can only describe the pain as I'm paralysed. I can't move, I feel struck down.

We were told on Friday, she had days, a week maybe.

She was at home surrounded by her 3 children, husband, 2 close friends and grandchildren for 4/5 days.

Yesterday after 22 hours of constant death rattle me and my sister couldn't take it anymore.

We hadn't left her side for days.

It was the most horrendous thing to hear and witness.

At 2.05pm my sister popped outside, I begged her, pleaded with her to go to sleep now, we were all going to be fine and for her to go and see her mum and beloved dog in heaven.

I went to the toilet, at 2.10pm my sister begged her to go to heaven same as I did.

My mums best friend walked in from doctors with her drugs and my brother appeared from conservatory. He had been out walking most of the day. His way of coping I guess.

All 4 of us were there and she was taken to heaven at 2.18pm.

There wasn't any 1-2hour slow breathing, cold hands, cold feet.

She was now warm, and in peace.

The undertakers came and I had to go home and tell my sons. The 15 year old was like a surrogate child to her. We are all broken.

I just feel numb.

How do I get on with life?