So sorry to hear this it must be awful for you , you need girly nights with friends that you can sit and share memories with ive just lost a friend and it's my friends ex partner we have made a group chat on wassap and we have been getting together one of us cooking, looking through photos, sharing funny memories, my friend has brain cancer and the love of her life just died in a fire , we made her laugh today so I think it's helping. Could you do  anything similar its good to have a support network. So sorry for your loss .