Hi Charlotte, I am also 24 and lost my grandad at the end of November. You are so brave having lost both your parents, it's ok to cry and let it out. What keeps you going is that they are no longer in pain and they are now at peace.

in my experience, spending time with loved ones has helped me, like my partner and friends etc. Talking to people who have also went through it helps too. I think it seems unfair when you're only 24 and you lose someone so special, it feels selfish at first because you think why couldn't I have had longer with them. But don't beat yourself up with thoughts like that, they are at peace now and won't be hurting anymore and that's what matters. You are doing so well putting on a brave face but let your emotions out and don't be scared to have a cry <3 keeping busy helps like tidying up or exercising just little things to distract yourself xxxxx

Hi Charlotte,

I'm 21 and I lost my mum on 16th August 2017 (when I was 19). It's so incredibly cliche but in time things do get easier but I think you just have to let yourself feel the pain. Grief tends to come and go in waves, in fact I just had a really emotional today missing my mum which is how I ended up here! The truth is, when you love someone so much it doesn't go away, they stay in your hearts and minds forever and you learn to live a kind of new way of life I guess. My mum was diagnosed when I was 10 years old with breast cancer, then she went into remission for a couple of years and from about age 12 onwards she was fighting! It spread to her skin, lymphnodes, her spine, a brain tumour which was operated on in my GCSE year! She braved it all. In the end the brain tumour returned and took her but I'm thankful I got the years I did. It's so hard to talk about what I've been through and I feel like nobody understands how hard it is. Especially hard when it comes to relationships! I feel like the real me is just shut inside this shell some days. But just know that you aren't alone in your grief, and there's other people who have been exactly what you're going through. It isn't easy, it's so bloody crap but always here if you need a listening ear. The loss is doubled almost, you've lost what you've had but also lost what you'll now never have.. people don't seem to understand not only are you grieving for the loss of a mother but also the loss of now not having one at all the crucial moments yet to come. I would say, lean on friends and family - just to have people around you that love you really helps. I remember when I was battling depression, I said to my mum 'I don't want to go to college, I can go back and re do that, I want to be here with you and make the most of every minute I have'... her response was "I've lived my life, I want you to go and live yours". She was only 47 when she passed away.. she'd really had no life at all, but I firmly believe she fought for so long just to see me and my brother thrive and grow up. I felt relieved too after my mum died, it felt as though a burden had been lifted. I knew I didn't need to feel guilty as she wasn't hurting anymore. I try to look at everything in life in a positive light, you can't change what happens to you in life but you can control your reaction and perception of it. And the good I take from my misfortune is the empathetic and kind person I like to think I am now, and I know at a very young age how precious and finite life really is and to spend less time sweating the small things! I can't imagine losing two parents and I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, grief is as individual as a fingerprint but don't feel you have to hold that hurt in. Think of it like the ocean, when it comes- feel it, and then let it go. It washes in and out like the tide. Look after yourself, make sure you're practicing self care (not healthy eating and long walks!) but just checking in on yourself, if you're not okay- ring a friend, see a family member. If you're not eating well, make the time to make a nice dinner for yourself. Just know that you don't have to suffer alone, there are so many amazing charities out there! I have had CBT and grief counselling and I honestly attribute so many of my coping mechanisms from both, it helped me carry on living.
 

Best Wishes to you and I hope my long rambly message made you feel at least a little less alone. <3

~ Rachel x 

Hi Rachel 

thank you very much for your message - I think it's just what I needed. 

I'm really sorry to hear about your mum especially with you being so young. I'm glad you got to spend many years with your mum despite diagnosis - that must've been tough for you especially during school but I'm sure she's very proud of you. 
 

I completely understand what you mean about the crucial moments! It's not just what you lost it's what you are not going to be able to experience in the future whereas other people get to spend time with their parents for many years. 
 

if you ever would like to talk or even have a rant about what you're going through please do not hesitate to come my way! I think it's very important to chat to others who have been through similar situations to give you a clear perspective.

thank you again - stay strong! You certainly seem to have a lot of wisdom.

charlotte x