My life lesson yeasterday was that:

Nothing and nobody can prepare you for what you have to go through. 

My mum was diagnosed with tongue cancer in April 2019 she was 72. She died on 20th December 2019. She would have been 73 on Christmas Eve .

The road to yesterday has been a journey I do not wish for anyone to have to go through. She had the operation to remove her tongue and lymph nodes in April. She was in 6 weeks .Nil by mouth now for life they attached a tube to feed her in her stomach every night a 10 hour feed.

 With a success, they said, of getting all the cancer. 6weeks of intense radiotherapy every day in the next town for 6 weeks. She did really well. Every thing she was told to do, she went religiously.

4 weeks prior to the 20th December 2019, the consultants gave her the news that the cancer was still growing in her neck and spread to her liver. There was nothing they could do that would benefit mum in the long term.

She had suffered so much already. The decision was made for her to have care at home. For those 4 weeks mum deteriated quickly.

for my Step dad and step sister they were with her 24/7. it's been hardest for my dad there everyday. Only being able to do anything, other than to make sure she was comfortable and pain free. 

I'd go most days, but I couldn't stay long. Even though I knew she was dying, I just couldn't bring myself to stay longer than half hour each time. Because all I wanted to do was cry. But mum had been so strong through this, so I usually left before my tears came. 

My Step dad , sister and myself did her proud yesterday. But the emotional rollercoaster is absolutely the worst thing, other than watching your loved one pass and be totally helpless to them.

The nurses, doctors, district nurses who cared for her have all been outstanding . 

My step dad was carer for mum at home with my sister being there most days and nights . 

I lost my biological dad 2 years ago.

Now mum has gone, I feel so lost. My sister is 15 years younger than me and mum led a different life, a happy life with my Step dad and sister. 

So I just feel alone now. Not belonging to part of any parent. I'm 50 years old but I just feel like a little list girl. 

Cancer Reasearch is the only way to eliminate the traumatic experience that I and most other families have had to go through. 

THANKYOU for listening, I justt wanted to get my experience in words. Find comfort In all the good times with your loved ones. Forgive any wrong doing, For it is a short life. I only realised this though yesterday.