Hi, 

Im really sorry for the loss of your father 

Just wanted to say that you won't have added any stress to your father during this difficult time and that it was probably not even on his mind. Having family even relatively around during this difficult time at stages will have meant more than one night you were unable to see him.

You are a strong man and did what was right to keep your relationship with your girlfriend which has probably been a challenge for you both during this difficult time.

Sorry again for your loss and keep strong

I'd say with 100% certainty that you did not contribute to your Dad's unfortunate passing in any way. So...please...let that go. You already have a lot to contend with grieving for the loss of your father and...the very last thing you need right now is you guilting yourself unnecessarily. You didn't cause your Dad's passing and you did not contribute to your Dad's passing. 
 

You aren't a weak man at all. It can be quite difficult to break away from controlling partners....but I'd give it my all with that one if I were you. A woman (edit: or man) who cuts you off from your friends and family is an abusive one (you sound like a lovely person...you really don't need that in your life, huh?) Your GF should have been bending over backwards to support you at one of the most difficult times of your life. She made that all about her.

I know it's easier said than done and sorry to be frank but I'd drop her and spend some time healing from the loss of your father (and from any damage your GF has caused to you). 

You not visiting him on the Saturday will have made absolutely no difference to the outcome. 

When someone dies almost everyone has guilty “what if” thoughts. He was in hospital receiving professional care. Forget all this new age rubbish about stress - being ill is stressful in itself. It wasn’t stress that killed him, it was the infection. 

The fact that you cared enough about your girlfriend’s mental state to skip one hospital visit doesn’t make you a bad person - quite the opposite.

Best wishes

Dave

Hi young man let me say how sorry i am about your dad daveks right .i lost my partner with sepsis in less than two days she was gone its starts usualy with an infection in your lungs if your immune system is down it runs riot then your bod immune sytem attacks all your organs like you i felt guilt it was agony as it goes with grief i knocked myself out why didnt i do this and in other words why could i save her but as time went bye i did everything but if drs cant save our loved ones how can we as you start thinking a bit more lodgicaly you will realise its false guilt .dont blame your girlfriend eithere you not going would not have made the slightest diffrence but if your in doupt go see your gp or have a word with pals at the hospital i did and they spoke to specialist and someone will ring you back . Maybe some advice from a professional may aly you your guilt but trust me you have to work it out for yourself and you need to support your poor mum now and that will help you both and maybe some counciling .paul

Thank you for taking the time to reply

Thank you citygirl111 for your advice and time. I think you are right about my gf, even though im to blame for letting her control me, i can not forgive her for being so difficult. Time to call it a day, my heart is already broken over my father so i dont think it can break much more.

Many thanks

Thank you Paul and so sorry to hear about your partner.

You are right about my mum i do need to support her, the problem is though i cant even support myself!

Hi your not to blame for anything nor is your girlfriend you see thats the thing with loss from ilness maybe it would be easier if your poor dad had died in an accident like my liz we would have someone to blame whenever theres something the first thing is whos fault is it .but in aur there is no one so we start to blame ourselves or anyone we think might be to blame .under normal circumstances you would probably feel good that she wanted your company you didnt know what was going to happen and neithere did she so dont mess your relationship up that will just make it worse for you and be unfair to her wouldnt it be great if we all had hindsight but we dont .you will be ok theres no argument you will but its a lonley road is grief but one day your heart feels lighter how long is how you get out there and help yourself and in supporting your mum even if you just sit there with her ive lost so many loved ones including myself nearly ive just got out of hospital today after having major bowle resection and ive had sepsis two months ago  so i have a bit of insight your gona be ok son just one day at at time eh .and thanks for your condolances just keep talking you will get there . Paul

Bless you Paul, you are lovely man. I guess time will tell about my gf and i but she has done quite a few things that have upset me in the past but this being the worst! I hope you recover well with your health and that you have a long and happy life

You aren't to blame for anything. 

Don't victim blame yourself...like you say, she was being controlling and difficult. 
 

It's not your fault. None of this is. 
 

Let me tell you, the only person at fault in this terrible situation is your GF for her conduct. 
 

I'd say the last thing you need around you right now is a woman like that. I think you've got the right idea. Tell her your appalled with her behaviour and then run a mile. If she can do this to you when you're experiencing one of the hardest things in your life....what else will she be capable of? 
 

She ain't a good woman. You can do a million times better with someone who is supportive and loving. 
 

I know this is hard to believe right now...but you will come out of the other side. This is a great site to come to if you ever want to let off steam xx so please do come back xx