Sorry for your loss. Its normal to be sad when we lose someone we love and of course missing that loved one can be really difficult. You don't go into why you can't tell anyone but you do need to talk to someone in order to get support. You don't say how old you are but I have found these sites that may be of some help.
Hi Oliver99, I hear you. I miss my mum so much too. The pain is unbelievable. This is my first Christmas and new year since she died a couple of months ago.
I know how you feel, my mum died of a preventable disease whilst in hospital. I am a cancer surviver and I honestly thought she would out live me. I was stunned when she passed. She was my best 'girl mate' ever and I will never have another one like that. I feel your pain and I cannot give you any magic words to make you feel better but I will tell you this. I grew up with my grandparents and my nan was my closest friend as a kid. She promised me she would look after me after she died and I can say, with hand on heart, she did. I would say a little prayer to her for help and she never let me down. My mum died 10 months ago and I have not felt her at all. I have wept so much for her, got annoyed with her, thanked her for leaving me and my whole family going pear shaped and half not speaking to half any more. I was begging her to help and then, after six months I realised that I had to help myself. I sorted stuff out mostly, apart from my dad who hasn't spoken to me in 9 months (its all about money and property.... I wish they had never bought their council house). Anyway, thing is, although I am a Roman Catholic, I do not agree with my church's philosophy. After months of missing her, my Mum paid a visit on Christmas morning. I had come home from work on Christmas morning because I had worked a night shift (I am a carer for vulnerable older adults) and was tired because some of the resident are very challenging due to behaviour or attitude (can be abusive or physically aggressive). I sat with my wife and two daughters and was about to sip a glass of Bucks Fizz (Mimosa). I looked at my family and thought 'my mum would love this' . As I thought that, I had a column of cold air form around me, I asked my kids to put their hands near me and they felt it too. My skin went cold and the hair stood up on my arms. I said out-loud 'thank you mum' and then everything went back to normal but there was a smell of roses in the air.
As a lapsed Catholic who has truly been visited, I would say to pray. Pray to God and pray to your mum. You will not be let down.
I feel your pain i lost my mum on 5th dec its hard to stay strong. I have good and bad days somehow life goes on. Stay strong please talk to someone about how you feel x
Thank you Babykyle, I feel so terrible about going into the new year without her. I find the pain absolutely overwhelming most days. I'm so sorry about your mum, I wish you weren't going through it as well. x
Hi I just lost my dad on Saturday he didn't have cancer but he has been complaining of being unwell for a long time, it became the norm with him constantly feeling sick, and saying he feels like his going to die, and he started to say alot to my mum his scared if dying, at the time we had every test done on him and they couldn't find anything wrong with would him, I would like to say my dad was mobile went out most days with my mum and his brain was fantastic so for this to happen was nighta big shock, he was rushed into hosp on Fri satEve on morning we got a call to rush to his bedside where we Found that he had pneumonia and infection his organs were all shutting down he had a big mask on for oxygen, we had to make the saddest decession to let him go, they took the oxygen mask off and he died around 45 mins later, we was all there when he took his last breath, but why I'm on here is I feel so numb can't cry properly don't want to do anything keep blocking vision of his last mins out, also I can't come to terms that he said he was scared to die, that plays on my mind all the time that he was scared, I am so heart broken that my big strong dad that protected his 4 girls to the end was scared is he still scared, I dont want him to be scared, now I feel that his not at rest. It's new year's eve tonight I can not go out everyone says it will do me good , I can't put a false smile on and dance when I've just lost my lovely dad
Dear Vicki, I feel so deeply for you. my mum died very suddenly too, didn't even have a chance to say goodbye. She didn't have cancer either. Please be very kind to yourself, you may very well be in shock.For the first few weeks all I could see was the horrifying image of her in the hospital. All I can say to you is what someone who has lost their mum (to pneumonia last year) told me and he was right - those images will be replaced by other ones. Even now, though I am still desperately struggling, I don't see those images much.Someone told me that it isn't fair onmy mum to make her death bigger than her life. But honestly right now just do whatever you need to do to get through the next minute or hour Vicki. If you don't want to go out tonight then please don't, listen to what your heart needs minute to minute and know that it's ok to change your mind. You aren't alone. x
I too lost my mum on Saturday night, it wasn't to cancer either. When I read your post it was almost identical to mine. My mum had been short of breath for a couple of weeks and was also saying she felt she was going to die. she was admitted to A&E on the 23rd December with her breathing and suffered 2 heart attacks as a result. she slipped away on Saturday night peacefully with my dad and I and my sisters with her. I was a complete mess I broke down as I was the first to realise she had gone. I cried and cried all night and most of the next day too. Now 3 days on and I am lost, sometimes I cry and stop just as suddenly as I start. I can smile at memories then break down in tears. I'm trying to hold it together for my three young children and my dad who has come to stay with us since my mums passing. I can't seem to make any sense of my feelings. I feel guilty about eating, laughing or even sleeping. I can't seem to cry for more than a minute, I start at the tiniest thing then stop almost immediately. I don't like anyone talking about her past tense, I'm angry, I can't believe she's gone she was my best friend I saw her every single day. I want to cry all the time but can't seem to cry for more than a couple of minutes.
