I know how you feel. I lost my mum 2 months ago today to pancreatic cancer, which had spread to liver, spine, nodes and brain. We only found out less than 3 weeks before because she was taken into hospital with a stroke. I could feel myself going into depression, I felt every time I went out people were looking at me. I only started to feel more myself after the funeral. 

Hi. I'm so very sorry to hear you have lost your mum. What a long battle she must have endured. I know it was hard for you during that whole time, caring for her and also suffering the pain of worrying about losing her. 

It's so very difficult at holidays, and all of the special times of the year when we miss them the most. I too feel the pain, strongly, a year and a half on from losing my mum. I don't feel any desire for Christmas. It's a holiday to get through. 

I recently read the lyrics to a song I'm quite fond of by a band called Marillion, it's called "Estonia" and it talks about loss. I always liked the song, but never really knew what it was about. Then one day I read the lyrics and it spoke to my heart in a very deep way, so I thought I'd share a verse with you (the chorus that I feel sums it up nicely). I highly recommend giving it a listen (it is most poignant with the music, I find)

No one leaves you
When you live in their heart and mind
And no one dies
They just move to the other side
When we're gone
Watch the world simply carry on
We live on laughing and in no pain
We'll stay and be happy
With those who have loved us today

Thank you for your beautiful words. They really touched my heart. ️

Hi.

Sorry to hear about your loss, i lost my mum on 5th december. Its so hard to keep going i was with mum all the way, it was hard to watch her die. She taught me in life that i needed to be strong as hard as it is life must go on. I have my good and bad days i now cherish my time spent caring for dad. Its so sad watching dad looking lost they were married 60 years. Cancer is a horrible illness, it was pneumonia that mum died of in the end. Take a day at a time, keep busy stay strong. I keep thinking at least mum free from pain now. I was lucky to have her in my life for 44 years. 

Take care x