Hi, I’m so sorry to read your post... I’ll be brutally honest I don’t think it matters if a person smokes or not anymore... my husband gave up as soon as he was diagnosed as it didn’t change a thing... we lost him 9 weeks ago and like you it’s so raw and so bloody unfair!!! 

I cant give you any advise to say it gets easier but I’ve just met my bereavement councillor and he says you’ll land up doing things just to survive and put one foot in front of the other ... you say you have no kids but I hope you have someone to support you through this?

sorry if this is not particularly a useful reply but I wanted you to know someone is listening. X

Thank you for your relpy I have friends and my mother has been golden she has not left me yet I'm dreading it when she does  and I'm in turmoil about Christmas as it was our fav time of the year

I can't get out my head what happened I know he phoned the ambulance he had been to the gp on the Tuesday and passed away on the Friday looking back now he was showing symptoms

It’s easier to look back and see the signs but at the time it doesn’t feel real... my Austin was only 45 and he was my life as I’m sure your partner was to you... I’m not sure what you believe is after but there’s a lovely post on here of loved ones showing us signs, just lovely to read and might help a smidge 

Personally I think cancer robs us of our plans, lives futur everything... and I can’t fatham how I’m going to live without him and I feel I’m on some kind of emotional rollacoaster... all I know is this is so painful and cruel but as I said you are not alone... thank goodness for family keep your mother close , I’m sure she wants to be there for you as much as you need her x

i

Sorry your Austin was so young my Nigel was 55 gone to soon I feel I have been robbed of my future as he was my world and like you said life is not fair

I will be looking into counseling but at min my mindset is well it won't bring him back dreading going back to work as I have a stressful job I'm of sick at present

Thank you thank you so much for your reply and I will be dreading going to bed again I drop of quick but wake up same time every night last night was particular bad as reality was starting to set in

Sorry to hear about your partner . My husband died of lung cancer 4monrhs ago he was only 54 and he had given up smoking 26yrs ago when he met me.  This came on very suddenly (May ) within real signs and passed away in September.  It does become a little easier but you just learn to deal with it and everything is day by day. Me and my daughter have a puppy and that has been amazing she take my mind of things . Thinking if you xxx

Terribly sorry to read this xx 

Lisa...as Jack says...smoking may not have made any difference at all. My parent died of lung cancer....they had never smoked a single cigarette in their life xx 

So...please...no need to feel guilt over that. I would let that go if you can, Lisa...it's not helpful for you and...you are not to blame for your partner tragically passing away from cancer. Not one bit. 

When my parent was taken by lung cancer, they were taken very quickly. One second they were here...the next they had passed in a very quick and painless way. There was absolutely no time for them to think "what's going on here?". 

You don't know that your partner was frightened...or that he was confused, although I know this is a terrible fear. He may well have known something was up...but that doesn't mean he died frightened and confused. He may well have been taken like my parent....quickly and without any pain or time to think. The nurse who I spoke to about my parent's death explained that, sadly...a death from lung cancer can occur in such a way. In my parent's case, they felt poorly...and so called for medical assistance. The medics thought they would do an urgent xray and 15 mins later, my parent  passed within a second. So....perhaps hold on to the thought that it likely was not terrifying for your partner. Quite often...there is no time to be scared or wonder what is going on....it is so quick (1 second alive, the next second - passed over). 

Once again...I am very very sorry for your loss. My parent's lung cancer was missed for 4 months xx 

Thanks for your reply sorry for your loss

Yes animals are very therapeutic me and my Nigel are big cat lovers and have three they can sense something wrong our one cat use to sleep by Nigel all night 

My Nigel was not aware he had lung cancer and looking back it does appear his symptoms were rapid in one way I'm glad he did not know in another no one was with him at the end and I can't get this out my head

Really don't know how I am going to get through christmas

Thanks once again for your reply 

Thinking of you and your daughter  take care

Thanks for replying sorry for your loss

It appears my partner vomited blood quite bad and called a ambulance but died at home 

Unfortunately I had to see the evidence of this which is traumatic and I never got to say goodbye 

Like I said my Nigel was not aware of his condition which he one was blessing he had been to hisgp on the Tuesday who I now wish had sent him to hospital as he passed away on the Friday at least perhaps I would perhaps have been with him at the min my head is full of what its and if only 

Thanks once again for your reply x

Hi Lisa

How awful for you to have witnessed something so traumatic.

I'm so sorry you had to see that. 

Nigel dying without anyone there...after he had vomited blood (which you witnessed)....may mean you have filled in the gaps as to how Nigel was when he died. Even though the story may appear to be as you think...the reality could have been very different (how do you know Nigel vomitted blood, called up for an ambulance and then sat back quite relaxed to know that help was on the way). Although the aftermath must have been terrible for you to witness...it may not be indicative of the way you think your Nigel passed away xx 

I think it is a blessing that Nigel did not know about his cancer. I wished it had been that way for my parent. My parent was scared when cancer was mentioned. Nigel was unaware...xx 

It is easy to look back and say, "I should have" and "what if"......those thoughts aren't too helpful either xx you did nothing to cause Nigel's sad passing and sadly, you could not have prevented it xx

In an ideal world...we get to say goodbye to our loved ones. It is so sad when that isn't possible. Many people with cancer do die without their friends and family physically there (my parent included...none of us were there).....but it's my bet they sure knew they were loved xxx 

Hello ime very sorry your having to go through this but he will not have been alone there will have been nurses with him . Dont feel guilty we cant be with them 24/7 and who would know this rotton diseas is to blame it doesnt have any order to it you did nothing wrong i know guilt goes with grief we have no one to blame with cancer so we blame ourselves as time goes by you will realise that just take it an hour at a time talk your hind legs get it all out eh .paul