Hi there ..

Oh hunny, I'm a mum and a nanny, and I know no matter what they do, I'll always be proud of them .. your mum will know just how hard a time your going through .. and at such a young age ... so many, older tougher people, feel just the same .. 

Is there someone you can talk to, someone kind , weather it's a family member or teacher ... you really need some councilling now ... I'm tagging in our [@Moderator Jenn]‍ and ask her to give you more info on places and groops who help young ones .. I know there's a phone helpline but can't remember it's name ... but you've done the right thing reaching out here ... there is help out there, it's just finding the right channel ...

If anyone reads this and knows the sites to go to , please help ...

But please believe no matter what , us mum's love our kids unconditionally... sending you a vertual nanny hug ...  Chrissie xx

Hello [@Kimboxxxxx]‍ 

I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum. It must be very difficult for you. 

One of our other members, Chriss, tagged me into this post to ask if I could give you some links to other organisations that may be able to offer you some help and support. So I've a few different links to share with you. 

Firstly you might like to have a look at a website called RipRap who were set up to support teenagers who have/had a parent with cancer. They have an online forum and other support information. 
I'd also suggest having a look at the website for Hope Again. They have some information and videos on their website that will help you realise you're not alone and that how you're feeling at the moment is part of the normal grief process. 

Have you been able to talk to someone in your family or at school about how you're feeling? It would be good if you have/could. They will be able to help organise for you to speak to a counsellor if you think that might help. If you've not been or don't feel able to speak to a family member or teacher then you can find out information about support at this link. 

We know that things are difficult at the moment Kimboxxxxx but keep talking to people - to your family members, to a teacher or someone at school, to a friend. I'm sure there will be sad moments over Christmas and there will probably be some good moments too. And that's OK. 

Best wishes, 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator

Dear Kimboxxxxx,

My heart and soul go out to you. I don't want to tak up this post by talking about me (which is irrelevant to you) but I will say briefly that I too feel SO ALONE as my dad is minutes (or hours) from going and he was MY best friend and soul mate.

But back to you. I won't pretend to know your relationship with your mother or your thoughts or hers. But here's what I think:

1) You point out she was your best friend - she will have felt that. It's literally impossible for anyone to feel that way about someone ("You're my best friend") without the other person knowing/feeling it. Which means that your mum knew. I'm so so sorry you feel you never got the chance to say goodbye. I wish I could wave a magic wand and give you that opportunity. Again, though, your mum KNEW what she meant to you. Even without our saying it; when you love someone as much as you CLEARLY love your mum, they know about it. Words not required. They feel it in their soul.

2) Whatever decisions you made, your mum loved you. In the end, our parents don't love us for the decisions we make. They don't love us for what we do. We get some things right; we get some things wrong. But our parents just love us because they love us. It doesn't matter what we do; they love us anyway. 

3) I don't want to get back to me but I'll do so briefly in case it helps - I'm going to go through my first christmas without my dad this year. My heart hurts so bad when I think about that that I think I'm going to faint. So even though you feel alone, you're not. But I totally understand if that is no comfort to you at all ("some guy in a forum is also suffering massively and going through his first christmas without his best friend" - so what?)

Finally, for now - what people can you surround yourself with at this time? Friends, other family members - can you make sure you have people you can talk to, hug, let go around? 

Please look after yourself. You're AMAZINGLY BRAVE for coming onto this forum and sharing your story. I wish from the bottom of my heart that I could make everything better for you. You're clearly a wonderful person whom your mother would have been EXCEPTIONALLY proud of. My hunch is she was :)

Best Wishes

Adam