Hi thought i would just call see how you are ??

Hi just thought i would call in see how your doing .?

Am doing okay must have fell asleep which hasn’t been easy for me to do recently but that’s me awake now what about you you nervous about your operation 

Hi if youve had a bit of sleep it helps .see if you can relax again maybe a cuppa warm milk.well i cant say ime not botherd but it changes you after a while you tend to worry about things less ime just glad  ime under this hospital they look after you in there and the surgeons very good.ile be ok .just try and relax and see if you can get an hour or two eh .if not watch a nice film you dont have to actualy watch it just have it on and turn all the lights on dont lay in the dark .if it helps come back for a chat when you want just a few words can help with being alone but then again your not alone you have your family to help and your grandkids dont feel your putting on them they will want you to

Hi did what you said and managed to get back to sleep for a bit. I feel I am on my own as my daughter stays up in Aberdeen so I can’t just pop in and see her and the kids that’s why I think going back to work will help even if it’s just filling my day but like I said maybe after the year don’t feel ready yet to face the world on my own. How did you managed to get back to your life on your own 

Hi i just did what your doing now one day at a time i think i could be in the Guinness book of records for the most cheese on toast and tea consumed in a month i went for walks in the park god it was awful but when i got home the house just seemed to be less dead i had visiters which helped me .i must have had on the same 6 dvds on for weeks these where my favourites i love the 50s science fiction films the counciling of course  now that did help but at first i nearly gave up as it didnt seem to help but slowly it did also it got me out of the the house my grandkids helped used to meet up in the park for a few hours Ava one of my grandkids is a fireball i think she gave me some of that lovely kiddie energy i joind a social group a few months after god the first time was like first day at school felt numb but it was at a restaurant and they were all very nice and had a nice meal i didnt have to cook myself . Ime a typical man can cook mince and stuff but it dosnt taste the same i met liz later in life and i think i traumatised her with my first meal so later everytime i offerd to cook i got a diplomatic absolutly not lol  ive never complained ha ha and i didnt do it deliberately . So realy i did much the same as you felt the way you did but eventualy the lonelyness stopped i miss lizs physical presence terribly i dont feel lonely so you see your going to be ok but just do what you think you should do not what anyone tells you to do .hey you can ring your daughter in aberdeen i bet she would love to hear from you as she will be suffering to in a diffrent way thoe and a chat from you and vice versa ime sure will be great even if to say its raining here us brits are experts at discussing the weather .i found a chum on here that chatted to me what a trooper she is she has cancer and didnt think she would still be around a year ago but hurra shes still here i think hearing her life put mine into context and how lucky i am in a way also to find love theres a lot dont and stay together out of convenience so i consider myself to have had liz even for the time i had her . I was married for thirty years divorced  now ime widowed so ive had the lot i didnt want the divorce either .so i take one day at a time like we have to but its been a year and a half for me and time helps if you do something with it  . Ime just hoping i get to get my bus pass on jan the sixth so you see at the beginning we think that our lifes over but its not but we need to grieve its what makes us human to have feelings dont you think unfortunatly a lot of its pain but you have good ones to you have your family and grandkids that love you

Snap that’s what I been living of cheese toast I love it today is the first day I’ve went out had to pick up a couple of bits for the grandkids it felt really strange as usually we do these things together. Lucky you getting your bus pass you’ll be able to go on lots of journeys that’ll fill your day I’ve got a couple of years yet before I can have one. Don’t think I could speak to a councillor not yet anyways 

Hi you could ring and enquire i was lucky i got it within a week ive heard you can wait a long time you can have word with counciler see what she or he can suggest just ring hospice visitor center .the thing is a lot or most find that the world goes back to normal but you dont so then when you want to chat people change the subject or ignore what you say then that hour every week becomes a lifeline you can ask them question why etc rant complain and they can explain some of it because they deal with it every day .ye i think it seems sureal going out on your own but trust me you do get used to it .still love cheese on toast bit of mustard on to give it bit of a bite lol in fact i may have some for tea youve got me going now ha ha . I ate cra.p for first year now they say ime prediabetic but i was only slightly over so brown bread no suger just sweetner no rice paster white rice and i bougt a motorised treadmil goodness first time on it i manage 8 minutes at 1.5 miles an hour now i can do 30 mins at 2.9 miles an hour anf  your walking fast at that you dont look away as it throws you off theres a safty on it  ive lost a stone and a half so feel better they say it releases endorphin never felt a thing lol .so you need to look after yourself but ladies do look after themselves better just a few tips there my blood sugers are normal now good on you for getting out next time it will be a tad easier .hey have some lettuce on that chees on toast or half fat cheese is actualy a protein and proteins absorbed slower so we dont feel hungry again so quick health tips over now but it all helps just try and relax ring your daughter later eh 

Don’t think am ready to speak to a councillor yet maybe in a few weeks time I’ll just carry on the way I am and if you don’t mind chatting to you as I no you’ve been where I am and you’ve made your life a little more bearable now. My grandson who’s is 8 FaceTimed me today telling me he loves me so that was nice. When he comes down on Boxing Day he wants to relise a ballon for his grandad as he wasn’t at the funeral his way of saying goodbye. Hope you have a good Christmas tomorrow 

Oko that sounds nice . Yes you to ime having lunch a peats ive known him 61 years from 4 years old i cooke some he does the meat god knows what that will be like lol then probably bit of telly then home ime reasonably happy now with my own company ime luck i suppose as ime happy in a crowd then kids boxing day got to get stuff ready last time i took two big fleece blankets and portable dvd a lots of dvds no point l

Slumming it and being bored out of my tree just come on if you feel like it ill get back to you .what i ment was you may have to wait a while for counciling so it could be weeks any hope tom tom is ok