Hi there,

I'm a similar age to you just a couple of years older although I lost my dad over 8 years ago now. 55 is no age, my dad was much older they had me late in life so I lost him young but 55 is way too early to go must have been such a shock.

I lost my faith in god after watching my dad suffer too. I have had no signs whatsoever from any of my departed loved ones. I think I still believe there are different planes of existence and that our loved ones may be there but unable to contact us for the most part (unless you are highly spiritual) but at the same time I find life so painful that I kinda just wanna be gone and have no memory of life once my time comes. I think life moves on and if you haven't seen someone for decades you kinda don't  really know them anymore.

That's the way I feel about my dad now, so it'd be weird to have some big reunion at the end because by that time (assuming I make it to 70+) it'll be so long since I saw him that I won't really know him anymore, I feel like I don't really remember him even now. It's painful when you've just lost somone to think you'll never see them again but in time you just learn to live with it and it becomes normal. You're still very early in the grief process, I was like you too, I had so many regrets I felt like I needed to see him and say sorry. I even had dreams about him and felt one time it might've really been him, but now I don't know. I've had to try and make my peace with it now so I can get some semblance of a life. You can always PM me if you'd like to chat more.