They said the first of things would be hard but nothing prepares you really. I've held it together put on a brave face, people saying im strong and are aamzed I'm getting through it. Im not. I'm struggling. Dad and I barely get along mom always said we were chalk and cheese. I miss her hugs I sont get affection from my dad I'm lucky to get a hello how was your day, that's just how he has always been. 

Its hard being a young adult without a mom. Got past the first birthday of mine it was awful friends let me down and i was all alone. First day back working a few weeks back, seasonal work all's I heard was my mom did this and did that just hurt. Toughed it out though. Mom would be proud I took the job as assistant manager but I'm stuggling, I dont want to be look down upon of oh feel sorry for her - have yet to tell employers I lost my mom 12 weeks ago. Im numb at work use my fake smiles to get through the day. I get home and just cry most days. I know its mostly due to christmas approaching amd being with family that aren't great people. I've never felt so alone my shield was taken, ripped from me. I'm trying to build my own but its hard. 

I have a friend down at my stables shes a mom herself, I go down there to get 'mom hugs', advice and general comfort that I just can't get anywhere else. I miss that love, I miss someone caring and listening to me. 

I just miss my mom.