my dad

My dad Lawrence died with Bowel Cancer at age 58 in April 2016. All these years later I am still so sad about it I can't even explain it. He was first diagnosed around early 2014 and at first we thought it was trapped wind and then we were told by doctors it may be food allergy and then he was taken to the hospital where a doctor took one look at him and said something was wrong with him. Upon examination we found out he had Bowel Cancer and immediatley underwent surgery. His bowel was about ready to rupture. Following this he had chemo therapy for most of the year and by the end of the year he was believed cure. For a lot of 2015 he complained of pain and discomfort but it was seen as surgery complecations. However he was told something showed up in an x-ray and was told his cancer was back to all our sadness. He was later told it had spread throughout his body and was now terminal. Throughout great sadness he evantually died in the hospice in April 2016. I was diagnosed with Depression following his death. Though I have been helped through time there is so much sandess, horrible memories that can't be gotten rid off and so much that destroys me mentally and internally. Can anyone offer me any advice or support? Thank you.   

  • Hi 

    I'm sorry for the loss of your dad.

    Can I just say that you are questioning why you are so sad 'all these years later?'

    It's only 3 years. My dad died 21 years ago and I only came to terms with it a few years ago. Losing a parent is the hardest thing you will deal with. I lost my beloved mum 5 months ago and am very depressed. Without both parents I am lost.

    I am having counselling and I am also having CBT on the NHS to deal with some anxieties. Perhaps you might benefit from this if you are still traumatised by images and memories?

    What keeps me going is my love for my 12 year old daughter who my mum adored. Unfortunately my dad died 9 years before she was born but he would have loved her so much.

    I am still taking things a day at a time, but I think people are wrong when they say time heals. If you have a flat tyre it doesnt repair all by itself if you leave it.

    Sometimes, people need help to deal with their loss rather than hoping the passage of time will be enough.

    See if your GP can access any services for you. I also find that online bereavement groups have really helped me. Talking to people who are in the same position is a great source of comfort.

    Cheryl x

  • Thank you so much for your reply Cheryl. You are right but sometimes I just dont know what to do with myself or my thoughts. I have however looked into counselling for grief and am currently on their waiting list.

    Thank you. 

  • Life is very cruel.

    Good luck with everything.