hello 

i lost my dad on the 4th Dec last year and i nursed him for the last 2 months of his life with the help of sisters and brothers & family members, but i was with him the most from 6am to some days 4pm then going back if he was miss behaving on a night... i feel like im still in limbo and some days go to call him for a chat then realise he is no longer with us, im dreading the anniversary of his passing i dont think ive cried properly since he passed away, so i cant tell you things get better as such but life does move on you think the world should stop because you have lost your dad and you are hurting so badly but it doesnt everything just carries on, and before you know it people stop asking how you are and you just deal with the days .. i go day by day, some days im ok, some days im utterly lost and sad .. some days i dont think of dad but they are few and far between... all you can do crack on with each day or hour and deal with it has it comes, i just think would dad want me unhappy NO, would he want me at his grave crying NO, would be want me to enjoy my life YES, would he want me to honor his life by enjoying mine YES.. 

no matter how you feel think of what your dad would want .. im sure he wouldnt want you feeling like you are 

my dad passed during his sleep, when his night nurse was with him, and most people think that must be hard because his family wasnt with him but for me i think dad would have preferred it, he wouldnt have wanted us to witness him leaving ... i did tell him during the day that it was ok to go and not hang on for xmas ( he wanted to for us ) i said this xmas will be just has hard seeing you suffer you decide when you want to go but please know we will all be ok when ever you decide to go .. he smiled at me told me he loved me then that night he passed away .. at first i felt i had told him to go but no i just gave him my and my families blessing to go when he was ready and not to hang about suffering for our sakes.. 

be strong, take each hour/day/min as it comes and think about what your dad would want for you !! im sure he wouldnt want you feeling like you are 

L x 

Hi 

im so sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you, I lost my mam 3 weeks ago it was all very sudden, we tried to get my mam home to die but it was too late her cancer so too aggressive to get her home within a few days she declined dramatically, it was awful to see, my mam was 71, very active always doing things and as like you was planning life ahead , and she never got to do the things she was planning to do. I feel your pain, Iv just been getting sicknote from doctors but I think I’m going to have to see a councillor to talk to someone about my loss as I can’t bare to think of life without my mam, she is my world. I have a little boy who will be 3 in December and it’s heartbreaking to think my mam will not be here for these things and be here to see him grow up, she spoke a lot in hospital about not seeing him grow up and to let him forget her, it’s heartbreaking for me to think she had to think that way. I’m feeling same as you and just wanted to let you know your not alone. I hope we both start thinking our our lovely parents in lovely memories instead of crying everyday but Iv been told to take one day at a time and if you want to cry or scream do it to help, don’t keep anything in. 

Thinking of you xxxx

Thank you for replying - and sorry for your loss... I KNOW you're right - my dad would NOT have wanted me to be so so unhappy and so sad... dad was such a life abd there's a massive void -  it's just so tough at the moment, but I hope we'll all 'get there' eventually - wherever that is xx

Thank you for replying - and so sorry about your mum. 71 is still so young I know... I keep being told it gets easier... Sending you a hug xx

Thanks for replying... yes it's all new and awful territory. Getting used to things and it's so tough isn't it... I saw dad nearly every day and he was so active, but I still feel guilty for all the times I might have been in a rush with him or didn't listen enough to what he was saying... and it's too late now. I know we all have to carry on and they say it gets easier. Sorry for your loss - sending you a hug xx

Thankyou for your message xx 

Not sure how I feel about today - I'm picking Dads ashes up from the Funeral Directors

its tough love, i know this only too well and with the 4th looming the days are getting harder but i do find it helpful to think what would dad want :) all we can do it get through each day at a time, 

my dad promised he would come and visit me when he had passed but he hasnt yet, i suppose hes having too much fun where ever he is x 

remember the good times x 

Lx 

Hi 

your welcome, I know what you mean I’m getting told the same thing it gets easier in time and that In time you will learn to adjust to it, and that that the pain doesn’t go away but you learn to live with it. 

Sending hugs to you xxxx