Dear Carly,

I am so very sorry for the loss of your grandad.

You are right it isn't fair that anyone should have to suffer but sadly it is part of life that people do and the people who love them have the pain of seeing it.

 I lost my dad 12 years ago after lengthy illness and suffering with heart disease but I am here on the forum after losing my mum just last week to cancer just weeks after she was diagnosed.

 I can only say that from my experience of losing dad that it does get easier but it takes a long time. The pain slowly (very slowly) becomes less sharp, less often and the times in between in which you can enjoy happy memories come more often. Birthdays and Christmas are harder than average days, but try to remember the fun you had and try to enjoy them with your family.

Try to talk to someone in your family they will be sad and hurting too and are probably worried about upsetting you. It's helpful to grieve together sharing your lovely memories as well as your tears.

Please don't feel guilty about things that were left unsaid. Your grandad knew you loved him in the same way you know he loved you. We show people we love them by spending time together, having fun or just doing everyday things, when you are really close to someone you don't need to say the words for them to know.

Losing someone we love is the hardest part of life, so be gentle with yourself there is no 'getting over it' it's more about learning to live with it, and you will in time.

The pain you feel is a reflection of the love you shared and it hurts so much now because of how close you were.

 I wish you well on your journey through this to the happier times your grandad would want you to find again.

Emma