Hi there ...

Well looked back on your old threads ... and saw, I replied to you then , way back to the begining of this year ... most of what I said, I still mean today, and just wanted to say, I'm so so sorry your going through this heartbraking time... we never want to loose our mum's... and nanny s   to our kids ... 

But those lovely mum's, teach us a lesson in life, that they will always look down, and your right, when we try to make them proud... is missing them, but putting all that love into our kids, because one day, they will face loosing us too .. and to give them as many memories for however long we get, is what our mum's want us to do ... nannys and grandkids have a spiecial bond, and I know when I go, it's my granddaughter that I want to see happy, not sad ... 

Cancer can take our bodies, but when we take it on, right to the end, it did not change who we are, so in that sense your mum won .. two fingers up to cancer , that's the last thing I'll do ... 

I made a album of mum for my kids ... pictures and little stories, coz we do forget details over time ...  and bring her along ... still look up, and talk to her ... too much has happened sinse I lost my mum,  little signs , but only when I wasn't asking for them , over the years .. all we can do is think how or what they'd say to us now, my mum would have said she wanted to hear us laugh after a while ... when I cryed, she was my pillow ... when I smiled , she smiled with me ... so all I can do is send you a vertual hug...  Chrissie  

Hi rice1986,

I too find myself on this forum after losing my beloved mum to bowel cancer five months ago. We also didn't expect it to be so quick after being told on the Friday that all her blood results were consistent to her passing on the Monday. In some ways I feel relieved for my mum that she didn't suffer in pain for long but also feel robbed to have lost her at a relatively young age and after thinking things were stable. My mum was told on the Sunday she only had days left, she was so brave and strong, not even shedding a tear, well not in front of us anyway.

I still feel numb, in fact I feel nothing at all, I've been informed that this is termed apathetic. I too have young children and feel also that they are the only reason I am still here and keep me going. I literally do one day at a time. I have found that this has helped me, just taking each day as comes and to accept how I feel each day and not to beat myself up over it.

Something you wrote hit a chord with me too, my mum never told me how to live without her either, so I don't know how I'm suppose to do this. I wish I'd asked her for advice.

Someome told me just to keep moving...