Aimee,

I am sorry for your loss. It must be very hard for you and you are being so strong. When I lost my Dad, things went from bad to worse so quickly I was just numb and didn't ask questions. I felt like I should have but it wouldn't have changed the outcome, I know that now. Take it one day at a time and try to focus on on the good memories.  Get counseling if you need it. I didn't really cry until last year when we sold my parents home and that was 7 years after he'd passed. 

Good luck to you and I hope you come back and post on how you are doing.

Laura xx

Hello Aimee,

I'm sorry you have to go through this too. It sounds like your wonderful Mum was peaceful, as I think mine was too when she died. While I do take comfort in that, living without her is just so difficult. I found that planning my Mums funeral (5 months ago) gave a slight focus but I was almost too numb to do that. My Stepdad had friends over and was drinking and celebrating her life the days after. I was just completely numb with shock and sadness and certainly didn't feel like celebrating but everyone handles things differently, there is no right or wrong way. I tried going for walks to help myself, and it did make a slightly difference to my mood, but the sadness outweighs everything.
 

What I came to realise is that the pain of losing your Mum is not something that you can escape sometimes. The first few weeks I could barely leave the house. I took 5 weeks off work. Getting back there actually really helped me, I'm lucky to have wonderful colleagues and a good boss. I don't know you're situation but hope you have kind people around you, it helps. 

 

I totally understand your shock, we were told my Mum had years to live and she was gone within three months. Being given a time, and just starting to get your head around it, then losing someone, it's so unfair. I've found myself feeling really angry, then numb and then just not sure at all how I feel. I don't know about you but the short time we were at the hospital it didn't feel real, it was like an outer body experience. I couldn't believe the most precious thing in my life was slipping away and there was nothing that could be done.

This message board really helps if you're ever struggling. Just knowing people understand I have found helps.

I tried putting my focus into running just after she died, it helped for a bit but the run up to Xmas is hard.
 

I hope you have lovely people around you for your Mums birthday. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to do too much. 
 

Katie

xxx

Hi Laura thankyou so much for your comment, I thought maybe no one would comment as I did blabber on quite a bit! I'm actually doing okay, it's mainly the evenings I tend to have a cry but I've been the main one out of my sisters and brother sorting and planning the funeral so that's kept me busy although very stressful as I'm the youngest and have a toddler so abit hectic! A little anxious at the moment as meant to be going to the Chapel of rest this weekend however the funeral director apparently mentioned to my sister earlier that they have tried making my mum look the best she can but they can normally do better so not sure what that means so I've been in contact and waiting for reply. I am thinking maybe it's because she has been left at the hospital for over a week and they have only just got her and also she was pumped with alot of medication so maybe it's to do with swelling so now I'm scared about going to see her, nothing ever is straight forward lately its one thing after another to worry. Thankyou for your support though it has made me actually smile for the first time in a while xxx

Hi thankyou Katie for commenting back to me. Yeh I think I need to just start going for walks or something to clear my head sometimes I just cnt even describe how I feel I'm just up and down at the moment and just so confused as to how this has even happened. Yeh I don't even want to go anywhere but have to to take my son to nursery, I guess in a way its a good thing as it's forcing me to get out but I just don't want to see anyone I just want to stay inside and hide! Yes I'm lucky to have an amazing boy and partner and also have my 2 sisters and a brother who lives nearby, I don't feel like we are as close as we should be but hoping we can become closer and be there for each other.

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your mum and in such a short space of time. Yes I felt exactly the same being at the hospital was surreal I saw her becoming frail and just not herself and felt so bad because I couldn't help her and the hospital failed her big time I'm disgusted with them. We also got told she was coming round in recovery at the end and would have days to a week left then when we went to see her 20 minutes later we were told she hasn't come round and got under an hour left with her before she passed under local anaesthetic, just had a crazy month or so of rubbish and I can't believe she isn't around, she easily had another 10 years left and they failed her big time.

Yeah I haven't been on this forum for long but have already felt comfort in being able to get things off my chest and also being able to connect with people who have gone through similar things makes you realise you aren't alone.

Even though mum wasn't here for her birthday me and my partner and little boy made sure to go to KFC haha it was her favourite and a little tradition going there and I had only told her a few days before she passed that I was taking her on her birthday as she was meant to be coming home after that weekend and unfortunately didn't happen. 

I've got the funeral Monday so just wanting that out the way now as I know that's the next hardest bit I have to deal with. 

Thankyou so much again for taking time to reply to me xxxxxx