Hi bek-Jane,

I'm sorry for the loss of your mum. It really is the hardest thing ever. I lived with my mum too. She was my best friend and I involved her in everything. She died very suddenly in june of a brain hemorrhage.

I have struggled terribly to come to terms with the loss. The house is often empty. I do have a partner and daughter but they are out of the house so much I am very often alone. Mum and I used to love them being out and we would sit on the sofa and watch our tv programmes or go out for a nice pub lunch.

I still cry several times a day and miss her so so much. All I can suggest is taking things day by day still. Have you other family that you can get support from? Or good friends?

This time of the year definitely makes it worse as well doesnt it?

Cheryl x

Hi Bethb,

I'm sorry to see that you have lost your mum recently and also your dad not si long ago.

I also lost my mum very suddenly in june and my dad died 21 years ago. I'm struggling with being without them. I could cope when mum was here but now she has gone it's so difficult. I do have a loving partner and 12 year old daughter but they cant fully understand my loss. My mum lived for her grandchildren and did everything with my daughter.

The run up to Christmas is also making things difficult. Mum loved the festive period and made it special. I know I've got to do the same but just cant muster the enthusiasm.

I still cant believe we have gone from living in each others pockets and joined at the hip, to nothing.

How are you coping?

Cheryl x

Hi Cheryl,

I’m so sorry you’re going through the same, I can totally understand where you’re coming from having lost your dad also, it’s like losing him all over again when I lost my mum. 

I have a lovely husband and 7yo son but again like yourself, their grief is different so they don’t have the same understanding of loss as we do. My husband still has his grandparents as well as his parents so has never really had to endure such a loss. I know he’s devastated to have lost both his mother and father in law within 7 years of each other but he has no understanding of complete grief (if that makes sense?)

With regards to the time of the year, I don’t have the first idea of how I’m going to get through it. Our Christmases like Sunday dinners, was spent alternating between myself and my mum each year. Last year my mum hosted Christmas Day and it would have been my turn this year so I have no idea what I will do. Luckily I only have a small close family and our extending family of aunts and uncles, cousins etc. Usually have their own plans around this time so it’s not as if we have to make an effort or put on a front. I suppose I’ll make Xmas special for my son but it will be hard. 

How are you coping yourself, it would be ideal to know with you being a bit down the line in terms of time frame. I still think I’m in a bubble of sorting things out and I’m currently off work so nothing is settled so to speak.

Sending massive hugs

Beth x

Hi Beth,

I know its so difficult.my partner still has both parents and two of his grandparents. I have no one left now apart from one sister that I'm not particularly close to.

I agree about feeling like losing dad again when mum went. It doesn't matter how much time passes, I remember dads death like it was yesterday.

Equally, just because I'm 21 weeks down the line from mums passing, doesn't help at all. It could have been today that I last spoke to her, joked with her, had breakfast together etc.

The last few months are a blur and need not have even happened. I wish I could tell you it gets more bearable but it hasnt for me. 

I'm still just taking one day at a time and I've stopped asking myself when will I feel better, when will I stop crying?

All it does is put pressure on that I dont need. I wake every day and just expect the tears and sadness. If they arent so bad that day, then great. If they are, then I havent expected any less.

I have to make my daughters xmas a good one, so on the advice of my counsellor, I am choosing to make my daughters xmas a good one.

She says that saying 'got to', needs to be replaced with 'choose to".

She also says that when I say something like 'mum should be here' or 'mum should be enjoying this" I need to change it to ' I wish mum was here' or 'it's a shame mum isn't enjoying this'

I will let you know that that goes!

I know I had to lose her eventually but mum was so capable and active, living her life completely to the full until the day the brain hemorrhage happened and she was brain dead within minutes.

Dont rush to go back to work if you cant, I ended up having 3 months off sick. I really couldn't cope with travelling to work on public transport letalone actually doing anything useful.

Even now I'm still on reduced hours, but my concentration is slowly coming back.

Please do let me know how you are getting on.

Cheryl x