My darling Dad passed away a week ago after a battle with Oesophageal Cancer. I am utterly devastated. My whole world has been completely turned upside down.
Last Tuesday (on the day of his passing) I stupidly got up and went work as I wasn't in my right mind. I got sent home and I went directly to the hospital to be with him. He passed later that day at 5.30pm. I spent Wednesday to Friday collecting his certificate of death, registering his death, organising his funeral and notifying friends and family. I have no siblings and have tried to take on as much as I can so my Mother doesn't have to deal with it and it's the last act of love and kindness I can give to my lovely Dad.
I'm not sleeping and in a complete state. I still have so much to do. Today, I returned to work being told I had used up my 'allotted' compassionate leave. This caused me even further distress. I have to use annual leave for my fathers funeral. I have no leave left. I've only been at my current firm for 8 months. I'm just not coping and on top of everything I'm now being expected to 'function' at work when all I want to do is breakdown.
This is the worst pain I've ever felt. My company is so backwards and there's no flexibility. Theres still so much I need to organise I can't do this as I'm now scared to ask to leave early to get things done. I'm literally a total mess. I need to grieve and now I feel like I can't as I have to go to work. Everyone is staring at me as I keep bursting into tears. I just don't know what to do. This is the time of your life when you're at your most vulnerable and the added stress is not needed. I just don't know what to do .
