It's been around one and a half years since my mother died of cancer. She was diagnosed when I was in year 7, and she passed away when I was close to finishing year 8. I'm in year 10 now, and it's my second year in boarding school. I'm in the school with my older brother (who's graduating this year) and my dad lives overseas in Asia. 

I want to say that I've been fine, but I'm not sure I can. I've been trying my best, but sometimes it all gets a bit too much for me. Around this time last year, I changed my phone number from Indonesian (where I'd lived before) to an English one, and I saved all the recently used chats, whilst the other ones lost all the messages. I'd completely forgotten that I had a few messages with my mother on there, one including a voice message she'd sent me wishing me a good day at school. When I realized what I'd done later that night, I had a complete breakdown, I was sobbing for an hour and my roommates had to comfort me for half of that once they heard me crying.

Of course I miss my mother, but it's not like I cry every day of losing her, but sometimes I think that therapy or some kind of counseling would be a good idea.

My friends think I might be depressed, I think I might have anxiety. I don't even know. I might be overreacting. I've been putting this post off for so long cause I'm scared of whatever reactions I might get from it. 

And honestly, I think therapy would've been good for me when my mother died, and I might have talked to my dad about it (if I wasn't terrified of asking him - because I don't want him to feel like he's failed because I'm sad), but now he lives on the opposite side of the country and I see him maybe 3 or 4 times a year, so that's hard. And I might have asked the staff at the boarding house or at the school's medical center, but I don't want to have any kinds of sessions at school because people would find out - and not many people know about my mother. 

Basically the question I'm asking is: Is therapy a good idea. Is it worth it having? Because even if I'm not depressed, or I don't have anxiety, I still don't feel happy or good. I constantly worry over my every move, thinking I've done something wrong - avoiding touch from most people because it makes me feel uncomfortable... I feel like I'm picking out the worst things to make it seem worse than it is. Oh well.

Any answers would be appreciated, thank you so much,
Em XX