Struggling after dads death

I don't know how to cope since my dad passed away a week and a half ago. I'm only 19 and my dad was 50 it just doesn't seem real. He had fought so many health conditions from kidney failure to cancer I just thought he was unbeatable. His funeral is in just under 2 weeks and I'm organising it as my mums not coping well but it's so much stress. He passed away while on holiday so we have had to pay for repatriation and now the funera etc it's a lot of stress and I have no idea how to get through this because I just want to phone my dad and ask him to help me. Sorry for the rant there's no real point to this I just needed to get it off my chest 

  • Hi,

    Im so sorry for the loss of your dad. Its so hard.

    I feel so much for you. I lost my dad suddenly when I was 27 and I have just lost my mum recently. I don't know what to say other than there are alot of us feeling the same as you are.

    Have you got others to support you? Any siblings or good friends that can help? Things will get easier, its just very early days x

  • Hi , so sorry for your loss and the struggles you've had to go through - my Father passed away in August at home .
    You've taken the first step by putting your thoughts down on here , that's what I did - it seems to help as your able to tell folk , get it off your chest and I bet your Dad is pleased that your doing well with all the organising - I do believe  that they're still about which comforts me and I hope it helps you . Keep your Mum involved regards any planning , maybe ask what she thinks so you both share the emotions as best as you can , hopefully the Funeral Director has guided you in the right direction . On the day they'll be there for you and will help you get through the day as best as - my Fathers funeral was a blur as I was dreading it , it'll be fine and you'll have a strange feeling of relief that you all got through the day. 
    Spend time with your Mum and just talk about Dad , we do , if anything I think we do it for Mum so she has loverly memories . 
    You take care , your doing well .
     

  • Sorry for your loss

    it's just all very unreal right now I think ur right that after the funeral it will be a little easier even if it's just to exept the reality around me. I find of hard to talk about my dad atm but I'm hoping that will get easier with time as it's still very fresh atm. 

  • I'm so sorry for your losses 

    I've got two brothers but both suffer from special needs but my boyfriend is amazing especially over the  past week and a bit. Sounds silly I know I just don't want to bother my friends with it coz I feel like I'll become that friend who's always down and not fun to hang out with if that makes sense.

  • Hi,

     

    Thankyou. Please dont be frightened to speak with your friends. Real ones wont be bothered by your needs and wants at the moments. I've contacted my few friends day and night to talk about my mum. If they are genuine friends they will be there for you. The truth is that they probably don't know what to do at the moment and some will actively avoid you  please lean on them as well as your mum.

    Good luck with everything. Tough times are ahead but you will get there xx

  • Hey mate, I recently lost my mum to cancer after a reasonably short battle, I'm 25 and she was only 60, never smoked or drank a day in her life and then this came along

    Strangely at first it wasnt as hard as I thought as it didnt seem real, but as time goes on it comes in waves, I get where you are coming from eith wanting to ring them, I'm struggling to remeber her voice and that kills me. The one thing that I always think to myself is being strong for those around me, I have to help support my dad, sister etc and I know falling apart will not help. It's not wrong to cry or bad to be down about it, its natural just dont beat yourself up if you have bad days, we are all human and everyone around you will be there for you, its hard but it gets better 

  • Heya, I’m so so sorry to hear about ur dad. I’m now 16 but I lost my mum when I was 11 and just like ur dad she had so many diseases before cancer, it felt like she was in the hospital at least once a yr experiencing one operation after another however she always overcame them that’s why when she got cancer we all truly believed she would beat it, I didn’t give up hope even til the day she died - even when everyone else was telling me I’d have to start saying goodbye. My mum was such a strong women and she always faced every challenge with such bravery never letting anyone see her pain. I just want to let u know that u r not alone in all of this, it’s my friends and family who truly helped me see the good things in life even after I lost my mum. If u ever need to talk plz message me on the forum, sometimes its easier talking to someone u don’t know but who also understands,

    u r so brave and I’m sending all my love and strength,

    cecile xxx 

  • Im so sorry For you loss. I had a panic when he passed that I had no recordings of his voice and that I'd never hear him again then found a video yesterday of my dad showing me around his garden when he thought he was on video call and it was amazing to hear his voice again almost surreal. 
     

    im the same I'm trying to stay strong but it wears me down and I just wanna stay in bed all day but I try and get up and keep going.

  • I'm so sorry about your loss can't imagine how hard it must have been at 11 xx

    my dad sounds so similar to your mum right up to the minute I fully believed he was gonna just wake up and be fine again because of everything he had overcome his whole life. And throughout everything he was also so happily and bubbly I just couldn't have asked for a better father in my life. 
     

    thank you so much I get you I don't know anyone who's lost a parent who isn't very grown like at least my mums age so it can be hard to talk when they don't have a clue what it's like. Always here for you too xxx

  • Moping around and getting down on yourself is not what they'd want, I get why you feel like thay, I was off work for a week to go on holiday with the whole family, was the last thing on my mums bucket list, thenwednesday we lost her. She never got the chance and 3 days later I was back at work, I just had to keep busy, the first of everything were the hardest. First birthday, soon be the first Christmas etc but you will adjust to a different version if reality, they're always with you with everything you do, someone only truly does when you forget them, and you'll never lose those memories, I'm always active on here if you have bad days, we are all here for each other, my mums first funeral song was footloose and this puts a smile on my face still