Paul, I'm so sorry for your loss, it's the hardest thing to lose a parent and grief is a whole roller coaster of feelings. My mum passed away 26 September 2018 and not a day goes by when I don't think of her. 

I have some understanding of the pain in watching somebody you love so much deteriorate, you feel very helpless; as you say, your mum is at peace now.

If you are still at work, it may be an idea to speak to your GP, I was signed off for 2.5 weeks, I couldn't function at work and being with your family at this time without any pressures of work may be a better idea?

Most people going through the heartbreak of losing a loved one will speak of the what if's/regrets, that's a very difficult one, I read somewhere that we have to forgive ourselves, we did the best we could at the time, our parents love us un-conditionally as we love them, that is what matters.

I can't give you any magic words I'm afraid to make the pain go away, everybodys grief is individual and no right or wrong way to feel what you're feeling or even time-frames. I won't lie, it is so hard to come to terms with, I am a lot further in my journey and it is sometimes an hour at a time but it has become easier in time.

I hope you find some comfort in your journey, again, so sorry for your loss.

Linda

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