Hi there!

I just wanted to say I know exactly how you feel. I lost my amazing mum on 17th June. I too was with my mum virtually every day during her two year fight, sat with her through chemo and cared for her towards the end. 

I worry all the time that I didn't do things right in the end for her. I just didn't expect her to be gone so quickly. I think about the Sat before we lost her on the Monday. The whole family was at her house, she was sat in her chair  laughing and chatting with us as usual but was she sat there watching us all knowing this was last time? If so, how did she stay so strong? How did she kiss my kids goodbye as usual and say see you soon kids?! Should I have seen a sign?! She didn't even cry. 

I feel I need to honour her stength but I'm so broken.

Hi Bob's, thanks for replying. 

I've since read some of your other messages and threads and i read that your Mum also did the 'I've had enough now, I can't do it anymore' thing too. My mum did this on the Monday night, we got her home on the Wednesday and she died early Friday morning.

She also said to us 'it won't be tonight, but I will die this week'. And she did. 

How did she know? Its crazy.

Maybe your mum could truly let go after that day, seeing you all there, maybe feeling like you would all be ok. But like you I can't understand how strong they could be. Watching us, realising what they were losing. 

It breaks my heart over and over, every single day.