I'm leaving this a little late, it's my mums birthday tomorrow!   It's not that I've forgotten, I've had it all on to hold it together this week and arguably lost my way a little in the middle!  Anyway, last year for my mums 57th birthday I celebrated as if it was her 60th, with a present for each decade wrapped in a box which she loved :-). What on earth do I do this year now she's no longer with us?  I have my dad and two step-parents and always try to treat them equally, so worry about feeling guilty now she's missing out.  We scattered her ashes in a waterfall and so I'm thinking of trying to find some white lillies in the morning to scatter in the stream.  We've decided to go out for tea tomorrow to mark her birthday as a family and then "celebrate" if that's the right word with her friends at the weekend, for us this feels the right thing to do and I think this is what she would have wanted, only she'd be sad to not be celebrating with us!

Gosh, this grief journey is difficult at times, even 9 months on!  I know I'm not alone and really empathise with anyone going through this.

I've convinced myself the first year will be the hardest as we go through all the first of's such as birthdays, Christmas and 1st anniversary of her death.  Only hope I'm right!  Xx