Four years ago I lost the best friend any young boy could have, my Grampie. I lived with him and my nan weekend's and most weekday's. He took me everywere and taught me everything I know today. I have still been living with my nan at their house since his death but she suffers from dimentia, is bed bound and has full time carers. The house I made so many memories in now feels so empty and lonely. When he died I thought I was ok and tried to accept that it was just part of life, loosing people. After the first year it got so much worse, I started to drink more and turned to drugs to try and mask the pain i feel every single day. I know this is wrong and that death is just a part of life but my Grandad was my whole life and now my world feels so empty without him. Nothing seems to matter to me other than trying to forget the pain and fill the gaping hole thats been left in my life. I am angry with myself and life in general. Today I took my first steps and I left a note for my mum and dad to read, explaining how I feel and telling them about the drink and drugs. It has come as a shock to them because on the outside I am loud. I try to mask my feelings and be the life and soul of the party, but the truth is, I have no soul left and feel like a deflated balloon that has shrivelled up.
