I'm not really in the same position as you but I didn't want to read and run. I have found that taking the time to sit down and come on here for a while every few days really helps, because you can get out how you feel and no one will judge. All grief is normal but maybe you could talk to someone like Macmillan? I think they're amazing x

Also, I'm so sorry for your loss xx

Hi Amie, 

I am in exactly the same boat, my Nanny passed away at Christmas last year and she was my whole world. My feelings are different though, I haven't grieved for her. I miss her every single day but I just can't grieve. I'm not sure if it's because I feel that grieving means facing the reality that she isn't coming back, or because if I let myself grieve then I am so scared I won't come out the other side. 

We may be in different stages of the grief process, but you are certainly not alone. The relationship I had with my Nan is total, unconditional love, and a love I don't have with anyone else. It is so hard to explain to someone else how much I love her. I am also dealing with a huge amount of guilt that she will never meet her grandchildren because my husband and I have not had children yet. That would have made her so happy and I couldn't give her that. 

Anyway, this isn't about me, but if you want to talk to someone who (by the sounds of things) knows how you feel then please drop me a message whenever x