Hi, my dad passed away 5 weeks ago after being told only 3 weeks prior to this that he had terminal cancer and that there was nothing that could be done. I am completely broken. I feel that I never got time to process that my dad had limited time left and then suddenly had to deal with life without him. On the surface I appear to copping incredibly well, people keep praising how strong I am. However inside I am broken. My dad was my best friend. Don't get me wrong he could be a pain but he was my dad. I told him everything and he was always there for me. I now feel lost. It is so strange knowing that I will never get his advice again, call him to let him know I have arrived at a holiday destination safely, discuss rubbish TV together etc. Just normal day to day stuff.

Whenever I do get upset I get asked 'oh what's wrong?' 'has something happened?' 'are you ok?'. I just want to scream of course I'm not OK my dad has just died how do you think I should be. Its like people think that ok it's over now just move on. Unfortunately not that easy.

My siblings also don't make things easy. It's all about them and how they are /aren't coping. As I am the eldest I am just meant to be fine and look after them. They never ask how I am or how I'm coping. My mum died 13 years ago and made me promise to look after them. Unfortunately they have gotten so used to that that they have forgotten that sometimes I need looked after too.

I am so sorry to rant but needed to get this off my chest. Thanks for listening xx