Hello Pino - no, you're not going mad & you're certainly not being selfish. You're grieving terribly for someone you love very much & the truth is sweetie that it's an awful, awful process that you are only at the start of. Your feelings will change in these early days on an almost hourly & certainly a daily basis. What you mustn't do is worry about the feelings - coping with them is quite enough. Anything & everything you feel is normal - truly it is & if you can accept that things may become a little easier for you.

You'll have days that you feel you just can't get through & others you'll manage. The memory of each of the ones you manage to cope with will help you get through the others. Over time the 'managing' days will be more than the others but it's not a process that you can rush through. Sadly it takes time & it's often called 'grief' work' for a reason because it's like walking up to your shoulders in wet sand. You feel you can't take another step but somehow you make the effort & you do. There comes a time when you can walk on the sand rather than through it.

I hope there are people you can share your feelings with - talking helps or post here whenever you feel like it. Lots of people understand grief & will support you if you need it. Try to be kind to yourself & not worry about feeling guilty or selfish or 'going' mad or any of those things. I'll think about you. x