Oh my hunny ...

As a mum with cancer, I'd be relieved if my son wasn't there right at the end ... you did all you could .. massaging her feet and holding her hand .., oh my, she must be so very proud of you ...  

Think it would have made it harder knowing you were there ... I'm sure she had other family on the other side waiting for her ...  cancer sucks big time ... I felt robbed at 36 ... and always envied those with mum's as they grew older ... most don't realise how precious a mum is when they have them ... 

But you know I took my mum, wrapped her up in my heart ... and carried her with me ... we still talk about her all the time 30 years on ... you don't loose them then ... and remember you are half of her... she lives through you ... she'll see through your eyes ..

Try to picture her before cancer ... she is the mum who gave birth to you..taught you to walk ... took you to school ... watched you grow into a woman ... that's your mum ... cancer wants to take away those memories... it wants to replace them with painfull ones ... don't let it ...  stick two fingers up to cancer .. that's what I'm going to do with my last breath .. it may take our bodies but it won't take away who we are ..  sending you a vertual hug... chrissie

we're strong and we're going to be OK. the last line of your message gave me so much comfort, thank you so much – i'm so sorry that we're both going through this x

Chrissie… I don’t know where to begin. 

I’ve been so scared thinking it over, thinking I should have stayed, why didn’t I stay, but your message makes perfect sense. Mum wouldn’t have wanted me to be upset and to be traumatised by her last moments, because at the end of the day she wasn’t just “Mum with Cancer”. For 21 amazing years, she was just “Mum”, who carried me through break-ups, anxiety, exams and celebrated the good stuff with me – my first proper job, my first holiday on my own, and who was always there to welcome me home from Uni with my favourite meal and an amazing cuddle.

I’ll take my Mum and wrap her up in my heart too – I love what you said about how she’ll see “through my eyes” – every time I do something scary or important or exciting, i’ll have her voice in my head telling me exactly what she thinks! 

Cancer can *** off, because we are so much more than that and always will be. Thank you for bringing me some comfort on the worst day of my life. ️

Sorry to hear about your mum,

My mum passed away 4 months ago today,  I am 25 , and I was in a similar situation  as u .. 

The night before my mum passed away I knew it would be the last time I saw her,  in and out of sleep she chokes I panicked and ran out of the room but she came round I then knew myself I couldn't be there that night as she was deteriorating very fast .... so I said my goodbyes gave her a cuddle and a kiss and told her how proud I was of her and that I loved her 6 that morning I got a phone call to say my mummy had passed away ....

In a way i regret not being there but then I look at my own daughter and I wouldn't want her to c me like that so I sort of use that as a comfort in a way as I know my mum wouldn't want to c her in that way...

Honestly u done everything u could and more and ur mum would be proud it's alot more than most of our age have to see ... 

Hope u find some ease from this x

My mum passed away 8 weeks ago. On the day she went downhill and awaiting the syringe driver my dad asked me to pop to the chemist for a prescription . I couldn’t park the car. Then they didn’t have the exact thing I needed. As I arrived home my dad was by her and said I think she’s going. I didn’t see her last breath but I felt her last pulse. I screamed at my dad did I miss it. The nurse said no. I had a melt down...why did I leave,? Did she know I was there after her last breath. The nurse spent a long time with me saying that I was there and that I was out doing something for her. The longer time has gone on I’ve thought more and more and now I’m ok with it, I could have been at my house and it’s half and hour drive and I could ave missed it. At the time it was all I could think about, 8 weeks later I don’t see visions of the last moments, I look at photos and think about memeories instead. Please don’t beat yourself up . She knew how much you were there. You couldn’t be there all the time. Think of the comfort you gave her in the final weeks xx

Evening all,

I’ve been reading posts for weeks now, and only now just having the courage to post. You’re all so amazingly strong and are doing so well, even if you think you’re aren’t. 

My mum had primary breast cancer and was given the al clear end of last year. Last month we were told she had secondary breast cancer that had travelled to the ribs, neck and lungs and that there was no cure.

I’m only 29 and I’m struggling to cope. I’m doing everything and anything she’s asking me to do. Luckily I’m on the six week summer holidays as I’m a teacher. I’m going back to work soon and I’m dreading not being around to help. She has lost so much weight, won’t eat and isn’t sleeping. It’s been such a rapid decline and I don’t want to think about any other decline. 

You guys seen seem to be sdoinf so amazingly, how?! 

Emma xx

Hi ell

Your situation is very similar to how mines been. Mum had primary breast cancer, beat it, within 6 months was told it had spread to her lungs, lymph nodes and a brain lesion.

Mum was given 6 to 12 months and she lived for 9 months so the prognosis was spot on.

I'm not going to tell you it's going to be OK. It isn't. But you WILL find the strength, I did. I'm 30, mum was 52. 

Leona xx

I’m so sorry to hear that but at the same time I’m glad that it’s not just me who has had regrets but managed to overcome them. What happens sounds really distressing and I genuinely think our amazing Mums wouldn’t want us to be there if it upset them too much. We were there when it mattered.

You’re so kind to message me and you have genuinely given me some comfort tonight. Thank you x

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I was terrified yesterday, I felt sick reliving her last moments over and over but then I came on here and read everyone’s messages. I remembered that she told me not to be morbid, not to fixate over her death and instead focus on her life. 

I’m so glad that you’ve managed to overcome that feeling and it has helped me to think that eventually I’ll be able to move past her death and focus on the memories instead, all the special memories that we had together.

You sound like an amazing person and both your Mum and Dad are so lucky to have you. I hope you can find some kind of peace at this time x