i lost my my August 2018 a year end of August tomorrow is her birthday the first without her.  Every morning before leaving the house I tell her I love her and miss her so much.  My mum was cremated, she died of bowel and lung cancer two separate cancers, lived life as you should by the book never thought she would get cancer.  My mum was quite a large lady and lost 7 stone in 6 months, the final months were spent in a nursing home and I would rush down there every evening after work to be with her, the last week I stayed day and night by her side the last week was awful.  She must of been sick of my kisses! I have her ashes at home with me which helps me but the weeks leading up to her leaving she spoke of going home to where she was as a child, I promised myself that on her birthday I would take her back there and scatter her ashes where she lived but now that time has come I can’t bear the thought of not having her ashes with me, would it be a terrible thing to either hold onto them or at least split her ashes take half to where she spoke about and keep half with me? All I’ve done today is cry wondering what to do.....