Hi Victoria-Ann,

I am so very sorry to hear you have lost your husband. I lost my mom two weeks ago today and feel so very lost without her, so i understand how your feeling

mom was only ill for 5 weeks. She went from perfect health to passing in a hospice in such a short period of time, we didn’t have time to process what was happening. She had lung cancer which spread everywhere in lung her brain.  I think I was like you i was in denial and didnt what to accept she was going to die. I still don’t. You definitely weren’t silly to not accept it was happening. Even when the nurses were telling us it wouldn’t be long, still didn’t process it. They surely had it wrong as that’s not possible  

She was my absolute best friend in the world, and we did absolutely everything together, I still live at home and so spent everyday with her. So I can understand how you feel. The house is empty but full of her if that makes sense. Dad and I know we have to move her things eventually but the thought of packing her up is heartbreakingly painful and so final. I can’t do it

I’m trying to keep busy and my mind occupied but when I sit down quietly it all comes crashing back. My stomach is in constant knots and unease. I work from home, so can’t even escape the house when I go back to work  

I am here whenever you want to talk or simply have someone to listen. People keep telling me it gets easier with time, as if that is somehow helpful. I don’t want time to pass I want to go back in time to when she was here. 

My dad is so lost without mom, i heat him at night calling out her name and it is killing me. There is nothing I can do to make it better 

anyway i just want you to know I’m here for you anytiem

lucy x

Dear Lucy 

I am so sorry for the loss of your mum and i understand when you say the house is empty but full I haven't beeen able to sort out any of my husbands things i dont want to see the empty space in his wardrobe or in the drawers i still have all his tools in the garage if i get ride of them i will just be left with an empty space and i already have such a big empty space without him i can't deal with any more so i will leave them as he left them until i feel stronger however long it takes so don't worry about it i hope they give you and your dad some comfort i have two daughters and i can see how loosing their dad has  effected them. I do hope you and your dad can give each other some comfort hold on to one another  and never forget your mum loved you both thats what we are doing and things people say to be helpful don't help i have been told its the start of a new life i don't want a new life i want the life i had.

please remeber i am here if you want to chat i don't know if i will be of help but i will try and look after each other    

victoria ann x

Hi Victoria Ann,

I have just seen your post, I am so sorry for your loss, what touched me was how you find Sunday’s so hard. I lost my husband to pancreatic cancer on the 29th July last year, so just over a year ago, he too died on Sunday evening!

The 1 year anniversary fell on the Monday this year but I felt the Sunday before was the day he left me as that is how it feels every Sunday for me. He was only just 51 and we would have been married 30 years this year. My husbands clothes, and all his belongings are exactly where he left them a year ago and I am still putting my shoes on top of his in the cupboard. I am not ready to part with anything yet so please don’t feel you have too either, it is still so early for you and you will miss him more and more as time goes on, but you will start to adjust as that is the stage I am now. I cry most days as I lost a wonderful husband and you can not let go of true love even if his body is not here.

I hope you are ok as can be, don’t be too hard on yourself, let yourself grieve, you clearly had a wonderful 52 years of marriage. Take care of yourself.

Debbie51 xx